DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I am madly enamoured of a man who is inappropriate. He is my high school principal and I am a teacher. I have felt this way for a long time. It keeps me from moving on and finding another man. I see him five days a week and on the weekend I do extra work for my students to impress him. Because of this, I am a totally amazing teacher. He goes home to what? I don't know. I just know he's single now, too, and I go home to nothing. I want him in very bad way. He is so suited to me and we have all the same interests. I don't know how he can't be noticing it too. I can FEEL he really likes me, too. At Christmas I counted the days until I was back in school, and he seemed relieved to see me, too. He invited me to stay after school on some flimsy excuse to talk with him and we were in his office for an hour. I know this is getting crazy already. Should I make a possible career-wrecking move? -- Fire Well Involved, Winnipeg
Dear Fire: Let's say you show your big cards now, and he responds favourably. Then what do you do? Sneak around all year, with people whispering behind your backs? That's not to say people working in schools haven't gotten together and even gotten married, but they have had to be smart about it. If you transfer to another school in the fall, things would have a much better chance. You could tell him in May, and when you both know you're going, something might start to happen. If he asks you why you want to go, you can say honestly "because I have a crush on you." Too bold for your style? You could make a move, like having a theme dinner pot luck party, inviting staff. Would he come? Would he abstain from coming on some excuse? What if you asked for his help? Life is too short not to do anything if you're both single, both hetero and both care.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am responding to the young lady, 28, in St. Boniface whose boyfriend is lacking in the sexual department. I would counsel her to take heed of your reply. Having reached my senior years, now in my 70s being married to a man for 45 years who sadly lacked in the making love area of our lives is painful and lonely. No amount of common hobbies or togetherness makes up for low response in another if the other is very sexually responsive. Having experienced a low sex drive in my man from the start and thinking things would and could change does not happen. Pay attention and find a man who passionately desires you and acts upon it mutually. Good luck. Also Lonely, St. Boniface
Dear Also Lonely: it is sad when the person who wants less or nothing in a marriage gets their way while the person who is warm sexually must kill off their desire or lose the companionship of the one they love in a divorce, which splits up the family. Many men and women cheat in longstanding situations like this -- have a lover, pay for sex, or travel a lot "on business" and meet people or go personal sites and find people who want affection that way. Others cut ties and leave. Though you seem sad, it sounds like you never seriously considered leaving. How sad for you now. Are you past wanting sex and affection? You might still consider your options if you are computer-literate. Lots of older people are looking for affection in that arena. Who knows, your husband might not even care if you had an online friend.
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