Merry Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And days past The End

Of the world as we know it

So said our Mayan friends

Despite dire predictions

Of the end of our race

Human beings still endure

Just to foul up the place

All the killing in Syria

Will not stop for a beat

'Cause our good friends in Russia

Won't abide by that feat

We don't care about Mali!

And the Congo? Where's that?

In the West, we ignore

All those African spats!

What we really just want

Is a duchess in health

So we watch Kate's gestation

There's no end to our stealth!

Let us cherish each image

Of the Royal Ultrasound

Oh my God, now she's nauseous?

Where'd she go? Underground?

Meanwhile, on our shores

We still have Obama

Who no longer sells hope

And just pledges less trauma

And within our dear borders

PM Harper's confused

'Cause our good friends in China

Want to buy all our ooze

Sell the oilsands to Commies?

Why that's crazy, we say

Now please pay no attention

To that Northern Gateway

Both Mulcair, with his beard

And Trudeau, with his hair

Failed to capitalize on

This modern Red Scare

And poor Premier Selinger

Has no resource at all

There's no oil and no potash

To prevent his downfall

And the deficit keeps growing

Manitoba's so broke!

Even next to Saskatchewan

We are now quite the joke

Perhaps when the bankers

Show up to collect

We could ask Mr. Pallister

To write us a cheque

And please do not gaze

At the mess on Main Street

Where Sam Katz and Phil Sheegl

Finally feel all the heat

Yes, they built us a fire hall

On land we don't own

But they seemed to use methods

No one sane would condone

And they traded a company

Back and forth for a dollar

But it's nobody's business!

They both earnestly holler

Thank God for IKEA

To distract all of us

From the woes of our leaders

And their mutual mistrust

At least we have hockey

Wait, we don't? Never mind

Can we also pretend

That Joe Mack has resigned?

If all this seems vicious

For the end of the year

Please remember, Dear Reader

There is no need to fear

Every ordinary person

Is a wellspring of good

All the caring and kindness

Is immense, in this 'hood

Every year, Winnipeggers

Never cease to impress

So from us at the Freep

We wish you the best

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 24, 2012 A12