Bigfoot is real. That is the conclusion of a team of genetics researchers in the United States led by veterinarian Melba S. Ketchum.
According to the team, human women mated with an "unknown hominid species" about 15,000 years ago. This was determined after a genome map was made from purported Bigfoot hair samples provided to Ketchum five years ago.
The research team seems to be legit. It uses very technical-sounding terms like mtDNA and nuDNA in its press release. And, being the diligent investigative journalists we are, we checked the calendar to see if it was April 1.
We even checked to see if the story originated in The Onion.
The findings of the team go a long way toward explaining the reclusive behaviour of Bigfoot. In the 15,000 years since the Sasquatch sex scandal, all the paparazi have been able to obtain is a handful of grainy, unfocused photographs of a disheveled beast. They get twice as many similar photos of Lindsay Lohan on a single Saturday night.
With such an origin, is it any wonder Bigfoot would want to keep a low profile?
But now you can come out, brother and sister Sasquatch. This is a tolerant society we live in. Fifteen thousand years ago, your parents' behaviour might have been considered scandalous. Hell, even 15 years ago it would have raised some eyebrows. Not anymore.
One thing, though. You still might want to avoid the paparazzi. They really are sordid.