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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Try this tip -- but you may not get another drink
THE next time you are buying a beer in a bar and the waitress is sort of looking at you as if she's expecting a tip, here's a tip you can give her that will probably benefit her more than the 10 cents you are thinking you might sweep away with the grand gesture of "keep the change."
This tip comes to you courtesy of the People's Network, otherwise know as CBC television. So keep your measly dime and just tell the waitress: "You want a tip? Well, stay away from do-it-yourself Botox kits." Just don't expect the next round will be served with the same friendly efficiency. It's kind of like expecting her to be grateful when you tip her with "Don't play in traffic." It won't get a laugh, it won't get you better service and it's just a bit too personal because Botox is the new and magical cure for wrinkles, thin lips and frowny faces and the other agonies of aging in a world devoted to youth and beauty. In fact, it might be construed as offensive ("what; I've got wrinkles?").
Botox is a booming business, as the CBC story pointed out. Not only is it booming, it is badly out of control. How dumb do you have to be to order a do-it-yourself phoney Botox kit over the Internet? Well, apparently, just a little bit dumber than you have to be to buy Botox on the Internet at a discount -- prescription drugs never go on sale. You also have to be a pretty dim bulb to go to an unlicensed Botoxonist. It's a procedure that needs to be administered by a medical doctor, not just any old hack who hangs out a shingle proclaiming "generic, discount cosmetic surgery available here."
But apparently, for every dim bulb there's a socket. As one practitioner told the CBC: "I am not a doctor... so is not illegal, and is also not legal either (sic)."
So make whatever you can out of that, but it seems to be a good summary of the state of affairs in Canada when it comes to getting older. There is in reality no way of aging both gracefully and naturally -- time takes its toll. One can, however, grow old with grace by taking the wrinkles as they come, instead of saying "pass me the syringe, Sweetie, my brow is feeling furrowed."
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 18, 2012 J2
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