So what's next, Gaylord Perry doctoring up baseballs on Elliott Spitzer Night?
The Class AA Richmond Flying Squirrels are hosting Salute to Scandal Night on Tuesday, with $1 hot dogs in honor of Anthony Weiner, the sexting New York City mayoral candidate.
-- At TheOnion.com: "Brewers worried Ryan Braun suspension might put season in jeopardy."
-- At SportsPickle.com: "Astros' starting second baseman defects to Cuba."
My, how you've grown
July 27, in case you missed it, was Alex Rodriguez's 38th birthday.
And some of his muscles quietly turned 12.
Who's your caddie?
Golf prodigy Rory McIlroy's best chance to fulfill his potential is "if he finds the right wife," in the estimation of:
a) Gary Player
b) Dr. Phil Mickelson
Truth in advertising
New to the Class A Northwest League this season: the Hillsboro (Ore.) Hops.
Correction: Considering their 11-27 start, make that the Hillsboro Bad Hops.
When Alex Rodriguez told Sports Illustrated, "Above all, I want to be a role model," he was speaking specifically in reference to:
a) his daughters
b) Ryan Braun
Talking the talk
-- Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after Red Sox slugger David Ortiz went berserk and smashed a dugout phone with his bat: "Last time I saw someone destroy a phone like that," it was Anthony Weiner's wife.
-- Billy Mauer, brother of Twins catcher Joe, after the St. Paul Pioneer Press asked for gift suggestions after Joe's wife gave birth to twins: "Maybe a couple hours of baby-sitting."
-- Seattle Times reader Charlie Gay, on golfer Hunter Mahan: "Will he fly home if he gets a Ryder Cup berth?"
-- Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after fun-loving Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel got thrown out of a frat party at rival Texas: "He was just too wild and out of control for us,' commented a frat brother identified only as Bluto."
Drew Brees, the Saints' $100 million QB, left a waitress a $3 tip on a $74.41 bill -- or a miserly four per cent.
Even lesser-paid kickers observe the 17 percent rule: For every six, they tack on one.
--The Seattle Times