Pass an NFL physical examination? No biggie
Redskins tight end Chris Cooley — summoned out of retirement after a season-ending injury to Fred Davis -- didn't take long to get back on the field. "Literally, you go into the training room, and the doctor's like, 'How are you feeling, man? Good? Good. OK, you passed,' " Cooley told WJFK Radio. "The doctor that did it is the doctor that did my knee surgery before... I mean, he knows me. So it's not up in the air. I'm healthy. My knee's not swollen; I'm not overweight.
"I'm sure if I was a fat slob when I walked in there yesterday, someone would be like, 'Hey, let's run a little bit.' But I'm in good shape."
At TheOnion.com: "David Stern gets down on one knee, places title ring upon LeBron James' finger."
At Fark.com: " 'Who Dat?' trademark claim settled just in time for everyone to start jumping off the Aints bandwagon."
Two big falls
"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Felix Baumgartner?" asked blogger TC Chong. "Felix landed on his feet."
"Here is something scary. Yesterday they found 42 dead bats," said NBC's Jay Leno. "You know where? The Detroit Tigers' dugout."
National League teams have now won three straight World Series, and five of the last seven.
In a related story, the Yankees announced they've just purchased the entire NL.
Sleazy kid stuff
Nine coaches or associates from the South Florida Youth Football League face felony bookmaking charges for gambling on the games involving boys ages 5 to 15, ESPN reported.
So what's next -- a Pop Warner Fantasy Football League?
Virginia, by a whisker
Virginia City edged Carson City for the honor of Nevada's "most bearded community" during the annual Nevada Day Parade in the state capital.
Best out-of-state entry: the San Francisco Giants' dugout.
CBS' David Letterman, on Hurricane Sandy: "This storm could mean the biggest power outage since the Yankees in the playoffs. It was so windy yesterday that a Jets receiver was actually blown into the end zone."
Oregon football coach Chip Kelly, to The Oregonian, after Washington State counterpart Mike Leach banned his players from tweeting: "If you can't trust your players on Twitter, you probably can't trust them on third down."
Making the Internet rounds, on Hurricane Sandy: "They should have renamed the storm Hurricane A-Rod, then it wouldn't have hit anyone."
Comedy writer Marc Ragovin, after four Texas women were charged with criminal fraud for allegedly cheating during a fishing tournament: "Now they will have to face the scales of justice."
-- The Seattle Times