Sideline chatter

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FULL CLOSE CUT CLOSECUT - Tiger Woods holds up the trophy after winning the Farmers Insurance Open golf tournament at the Torrey Pines Golf Course Monday, Jan. 28, 2013, in San Diego. It is Wood's seventh victory in the event. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull) (CP)

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Broncos� linebacker Von Miller (TRIBUNE MEDIA DAVID EULITT)

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Ex-running back Ricky Williams (CP)

Talk about a lose-win situation

Kasson-Mantorville (Minn.) High School coaches didn't want their wrestlers distracted during the state 2A tournament, so they confiscated all their grapplers' cellphones.

Bad call, coach: 14 of them got trapped for an hour in a hotel elevator -- with no way to call for help -- before finally making their escape just in time for the team final.

Good call, coach: The freed-up KoMets hit the mats and won their first state title, anyway.

Here's the catch

Police in the border city of Mexicali confiscated a powerful cannon used to hurl marijuana parcels over the fence into California.

Reaction ranged from cheers at Border Patrol headquarters to moans of "I knew I should've become a wide receiver" from ex-running back Ricky Williams.

Headlines

-- At Fark.com: "Mike Trout to earn same annual pay as Albert Pujols and Josh Hamilton -- assuming those guys actually show up for four games."

-- At SportsPickle.com: "Brian Cashman injures ankle while skydiving; Yankees expected to call up minor-league GM from Scranton."

Red Sea Dept.

The History Channel rolled out a five-part miniseries based on the Bible on Sunday, leading one Bama football zealot to ask, "So when do they get around to St. Paul and St. Nick?"

Sports quiz

The words "This may be an inopportune moment to ask, Dean Wormer, but could you see your way clear to give us one more chance?" were famously uttered by:

a) Delta House president Robert Hoover, after the homecoming-parade fiasco in Animal House.

b) Ex-USC basketball coach Tim Floyd, who left under an NCAA cloud in 2009, exploring a possible return there.

Heard in passing

Broncos linebacker Von Miller took to Twitter and declared that Denver will win next year's Super Bowl.

And in the final minute of playoff games, he also vowed, I'll drop back in pass coverage an extra 40 yards or so.

Garbage time

Former Seattle Sonics centre Robert Swift reportedly left trash, bullet holes and stench in the Sammamish residence from which he was evicted.

Which certainly gives "taking it to the house" a whole new meaning.

Backfire alert

The National Rifle Association announced it will sponsor its first-ever NASCAR Sprint Cup Race -- the NRA 500 -- at Texas Motor Speedway on April 13, and it promises to be different.

In lieu of a green flag, there'll be a shotgun start.

Talking the talk

-- Comedian Argus Hamilton, on why the locals were brimming with tears when Dennis Rodman boarded the plane home from his basketball junket to Pyongyang: "They were proud that Rodman had just been given North Korea's highest honor: permission to leave."

-- Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Tiger Woods walked in the water to save par at the Honda Classic: "Three years ago, he walked on water to save it."

-- Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after Muscle & Fitness magazine appointed Arnold Schwarzenegger as executive editor: "Apparently he was turned down at Good Housekeeping."

-- The Seattle Times

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 10, 2013 B8