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He's no fan of this Yankee farm system

It's "Flower Seed Packet Night" for 18,000 lucky fans at Yankee Stadium on April 18, when the Arizona Diamondbacks come to town.

"Really? Flower-seed packets?" groused blogger Chad Picasner. "C'mon, Hal, dump a middle reliever and spend the $2-3 million on a real gift, like a George Steinbrenner bobblehead doll -- with extra-large pockets, of course.

"Or a Hal Steinbrenner doll, with the pockets sewn shut."

It'll be a snap

Ravens QB Joe Flacco will portray Baltimore icon Johnny Unitas in the final scenes of the movie Unitas We Stand.

Shouldn't be a problem. He did an OK Johnny U impersonation in Super Bowl XLVII, didn't he?

Alive and kicking

Headline at Yahoo! Sports: "Lions replace Jason Hanson with younger kicker."

Well, duh: Hanson is 42. You expected them to sign Jan Stenerud?

It's a Met life

Mets fan Robert Ostertag, 81, has attended the team's home opener for 50 years running.

And from here on out -- unless the team's fortunes change -- it'll seem like 50 years to life.

Intercepting a bundle

It pays to practise? No kidding.

The Jets say cornerback Darrelle Revis has $3 million in contractual bonus money riding on his participation in off-season workouts.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" moaned Allen Iverson.

On the right track

Take heart, Astros fans.

"In 1991, when the Twins won the World Series," pointed out Charley Walters of the Saint Paul Pioneer Press, "they started the season 2-9."

Quote marks

-- RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on news that some sharks take a break each spring to focus on eating, mating and swimming in warm water: "If we're talking San Jose Sharks, you can add golf."

-- Blogger TC Chong, on Yankee Robby Cano replacing Scott Boras with Jay Z's agent: "Cano now has performance bonuses in his contract for rapping the national anthem, God Bless America and Take Me Out to the Ball Game."

-- Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, after Baylor beat Iowa in the NIT final: "I don't wanna say the NIT isn't a big deal but, in lieu of a championship parade, Baylor returned to a campus welcome from two guys giving a thumbs-up."

-- Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after 35 Atlanta teachers face possible charges for inflating students' scores on standardized tests: "But on the plus side, they've all been offered jobs at Auburn University."

Comb those greens

Doral's Blue Monster, owned by Donald Trump, is undergoing a $200-million renovation.

And that's just to replace the fescue with hair grass.

-- The Seattle Times

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 14, 2013 A1

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