Too much heat
Oakland A's pitcher Bartolo Colon has been hit with a 50-game suspension for using performance-enhancing drugs.
Umpires figured something was amiss when his catchers started using an asbestos mitt.
You won't hear Zack Golditch complaining about two-a-days
in the August heat
The senior tackle at Gateway High in Aurora, Colo., sports two large bandages on his neck -- courtesy of the gunman who opened fire in a local movie theater July 20, killing 12 and wounding 58.
"I'm blessed," the Colorado State recruit told The Denver Post. "It just went clean in and out, no shrapnel, just clean it out, no stitches because of the risk of infection. It's just a really deep cut is how I took it.
"Did I save someone's life because it hit me? I'm taller, and I might have saved someone. I'm not complaining about it. I'm glad it kind of happened to me and not someone else."
Hit and run
A thief broke a pane of glass and made off with 16 Ichiro jerseys from the Mariner Team Store at Safeco Field early Wednesday morning.
Well, at least we know it wasn't Jamie Moyer.
Quoth the mavens
Blackpool soccer manager Ian Holloway, to the London Daily Mail, on DJ Campbell's roster odds: "There's about as much chance of re-signing DJ Campbell as there is of me wearing high heels and calling myself Sheila."
Greg Frazier of the Palo Alto (Calif.) Daily News, on a national helium shortage jeopardizing Nebraska football's traditional release of 5,000 balloons: "Mike Tyson has offered his personal supply."
Charles Barkley, to The Dan Patrick Show, on whether the 2012 Olympians could beat his 1992 Dream Teamers: "C'mon, they struggled with the Gasol brothers."
Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Nebraska State Fair trying to line up 800 tractors to set a record for tractor parades: "It'll look like the parking lot before a Texas Tech home football game."
-- McClatchy News Service