Q: My fiancée and I are in our late 20s. We have been living together for two years. I love her a lot. She is very intelligent, and I find her very attractive.
The problem? Let's just say that in bed, I have had better. I tried to fix things by fantasizing about other women during sex, but that only worked a few times.
Then, things changed on our last visit to her parents. I was blown away by her 18-year-old sister. She was wearing a tramped-out Catholic schoolgirl outfit. I immediately began fantasizing about her. The results were amazing. The last month or so, our sex has been great. My fiancée has noticed the difference. She is now a detective, inquiring about the changes.
She once commented, when I asked her to dress up certain ways, that she could "just borrow these clothes from her sister instead of buying them." Does she know something? What do I tell her if she persists? I worry that if I play stupid, she will grow very suspicious that I'm doing something besides having fantasies.
Steve: Are you nuts? One of Steve's basic rules is: Never tell a woman you fantasize about her sister. Although that's not remotely as bad as actually flirting with her sister. Stick with being stupid and innocent.
Here's what worries me. If you truly love your fiancée and are attracted to her, your sex life should be much better. You need to do some soul-searching to see if there is a larger issue here than what's happening in bed.
Mia: Fantasizing about my sister? Ick! If I ever heard that from a guy, I'd be horrified. But clearly you and your fiancée need to reboot. Saying you have had better and blaming her is not the right way to go. This is something you guys should be working on together. Come up with some new experiments to try together that take both of you out of your comfort zones. If you're going to get married, you need to work as a team.
Q: My wife and I are in our 50s and have lived in the same neighbourhood for 20 years. Our eldest daughter recently got married and moved to Boston, where she's about to have her first child. My wife has decided that I should try to get my work to transfer me there so we can be near her. I think it's insane. My friends are here. I don't want to move. How do I get her to calm down?
Mia: I'd just try and slow things down. Tell her you can't do anything with work right now and promise she can take a long visit up there after the baby is born. Chances are she'll come to her senses.
Steve: Moving to be near your kids has a built-in problem. Kids don't stay put. After college, I lived in five different cities and towns in five years. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate all the help she can get from her mom when the baby arrives and will let her stay as long as she likes.
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