Q: I've been married to a wonderful woman for five years (I have known her for 10).
She is fun, caring, witty, smart, interesting and a great mother. I love her very much, but in the last several years our sex life has become nonexistent. This is partly because she is never the aggressor, and mostly because I have to admit I'm not physically attracted anymore to this woman whom I love.
She's not unattractive, although she has gained weight since I first met her (but so have I), especially since our child was born. How can I force myself to be turned on by someone who used to do so but doesn't anymore? This must happen to most couples around the world as they get older and change -- I guess it's the difference between love and lust -- but how do I stay faithful in a relationship if the attraction isn't there anymore?
Steve: I really wish people would read that contract before they sign up. The one that says "for better or worse." It's hard for me to envision not being attracted to a woman I love. But it's easy to fall into a rote, routine and boring sex life. Have a frank, non-judgmental discussion about this with her. There are many things you can do to perk up your sex life, but the first step is talking about it.
Mia: The reality is that this is going to require some effort from both you and your wife. The instant arousal of your early days is no longer going to happen. Try to talk with your wife about what you both want your sex life to be and then really prioritize time together to work on it. Go to bed early some nights or get a sitter and go to a hotel for an evening. If you love her, it's worth the effort.
Q: I'm a 67-year-old spry man, a widower for 10 years, looking for a nice lady. I'm reasonably healthy and everything works! Where's a good place to meet a nice lady?
Mia: I hate to sound like a broken record, but online dating really is a great invention. There are tons of people on there so you have a lot more options than if you go to a bar looking for women.
Steve: The odds are in your favour. There is an oversupply of women 65 and older, so you shouldn't have a problem meeting a nice lady. Getting involved in your local senior centre is a good place to start.
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