Perchance knave of husband forswore his vows

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This article was published 10/01/2017 (3248 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a wonderful lover, but recently he has introduced some terms and sexy moves into our bedroom scene that come from somewhere else. My husband is trying out expressions that come from the Shakespearean world.

Unfortunately, for him and for me, I know a woman on the fringe of our circle of friends who talks like that. I feel like I probably have solved my own mystery, but don’t want to confront him because he is my true love and I don’t want my marriage to be over, for my sake and for the kids. What should I do? — Played for a Fool, Winnipeg

Dear Played for a Fool: You could choose to confront him, as some people do when they suspect an affair, or you can confront the other woman instead and show her pictures of your wedding and your children, tell her how much you love your husband and that you will fight to keep him. That would be more than most other women would want to take on.

First, you must be 100 per cent sure your husband is having an affair and she is the woman. You’ll want to do a little detective work.

Or you may want to say out of the blue to your husband: “I love you. I’m asking you to stop seeing her and I will fight to keep you, and our family.” Don’t explain further at that point. Just walk away, and let it sink in that you know and the jig is up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Over the holidays I stayed more than two weeks in Vancouver and developed a very hot and sweet relationship with my second cousin. We kept it a secret, but I spent a lot of time “out walking” when I was really over at his house. We’re crazy about each other, but come from a family where it would be frowned upon for cousins to get together as a couple.

Now we’re apart again, I’m giving this some sober second thought, and I had sort of talked myself out of the relationship. But he keeps calling and we talk for hours. I can’t walk away now. I’m getting more and more into him. What do you think? Is it even legal for us to marry? — Second Cousin Love, Winnipeg

Dear Second Cousin: It is actually legal in Manitoba to marry your first cousin. As you know, a second cousin is the child of one of your parent’s first cousins, and you share a great-grandparent. As for how the relatives take the budding romance, expect some backlash. Maybe you shouldn’t announce the relationship until you’re sure it’s serious. You do live far away, and no matter how intense your relationship, it’s often hard to maintain a long-distance love. Take some time. Keep the relationship under wraps, at least until you’ve had time to spend more face time together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love women, but I also love certain men. I can be happy with either sex for a time, but then I tend to develop an interest and a hunger for the other sex. That’s why I have remained single (I am almost 40). My closest sister asked me at a new year’s party — after too many drinks — if I ever wanted to have a marriage and kids and I said I did. She asked what I was going to do about it, then she blurted it all out: “Well, maybe it’s best if you don’t marry since you’re actually bisexual.” I said, “And maybe it’s time you shut your big mouth and minded your own business!”

She keeps calling and leaving apologies, but I don’t know what to say to her. — Bisexual Dad? Winnipeg

Dear Bisexual Dad?: If you really want a child you could be a single parent who adopts, if you want that lifestyle and are ready for it. That means settling down enough to provide a stable home with schooling, activities and things a kid needs to grow. You can have relationships with either sex, but be careful you don’t let the child think the person you’re dating is his or her new mommy or daddy, and then change that person regularly.

Is having a child in your life a mild fantasy or a strong desire? Is it something you know you really want for sure? This isn’t an age issue as much a willingness to commit to a lifestyle that welcomes a child. Do you want to domesticate your life so you can make a real home for a child? Maybe you should talk to a counsellor about all these issues so you come to a well-thought-out decision.

As for your sister, this issue is really none of her business and not something you need to discuss with her in a bid for her approval. She did contribute one good thing, though: she made you look at this issue now, when you’re still at a good parenting age.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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