Sex with wild woman starting to feel like work

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This article was published 05/08/2017 (3021 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a wild woman at a friend’s cabin and we have been seeing all of each other every night since. It was great at first, but now it’s starting to die for me. She wants sex every night and I do most of the work since she’s a missionary-style-only type of woman. She’s quite enthusiastic, but says she doesn’t like “creepy” sex. Too bad. I wouldn’t mind being tied to a bedpost with nothing to do for a change.

I know I’m not in love with her, and never will be. She’s not my kind of person, but as my best friend pointed out, I had quite a dry spell last winter and spring and too much is better than nothing. That’s easy for him to say since he’s in love with his woman and says they’re perfectly matched in bed.

Should I break up with this new woman or try to dial back the contact? It’s a dishonest relationship because she screams “I love you” at the optimum moment and I squeak out “Me too!” like a big phoney. Please help. — Rock and a Hard Place, St. Vital

Dear Rock and a Hard Place: You know you need to break up. If I could guarantee you a new relationship right around the corner, you would be gone like a shot, so it’s just a matter of time. How long can you keep being phoney to get sex that’s starting to feel like work? It’s time to tell her it just isn’t working for you, that you don’t want to waste her time and you wish her the best. Don’t you dare text her! Tell her nicely, in person.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am finding it increasingly difficult to eat with my wife and her friends. They are loud eaters and it has gotten to the point where I actively work at organizing our social situations around anything but eating. They talk with no attempt to cover their mouths or hide it. They eat crunchy vegetables and chips with their mouths open, particularly emphasizing the crunch of the first bite. One raw carrot episode sounded like we were at a knuckle-cracking convention. These may seem like small concerns, but it’s an everyday event and my current response is making me into a grumpy dinner companion, which I don’t want to be.

I grew up on a farm, so this isn’t coming from some hoity-toity upbringing. I was taught that this is rude and insensitive behaviour, and so I’ve been losing interest in spending time with my wife and her friends, and would like to know: am I out of touch with what is acceptable behaviour? If it is unacceptable, should I talk to them about it and how would I approach it? Or should I just join in and use a barn theme in our dining-room decorations? — Not Born in a Barn, Manitoba

Dear Not Born in a Barn: Yes, it can be very disgusting to watch partially chewed food floating around somebody’s mouth while they talk to you. You might not want to use the word “disgusting,” however. “Distracting” might be a better choice. For instance, you might say you can’t help but stop listening and stare at the distraction of someone chewing with their mouth open and food in it.

You might also want to trick her into watching The Heartbreak Kid (1972 version is best). It’s a dark comedy starring Charles Grodin. Note the famous scene where the unclassy bride is eating an egg salad sandwich while she’s talking. You can see it tossing around in her mouth as she keeps on yapping, with some of it ending up on her face. That may illustrate the point — or not. She may be so out to lunch you’ll have to initiate a direct conversation about it. You could start by mentioning her friends’ manners, not hers, unless you’ve already had a fight about this.

Here’s a tip: when you are eating together alone, don’t ask your wife any questions when she’s about to take a bite. If you do, say to her “I’m sorry, you’re eating. The rest of your answer can wait a few minutes.” Then get up and do something so she doesn’t feel social pressure to reply to you. It’s hard to believe you noticed this just now. Didn’t you notice the lack of manners before you tied the knot, or is she slacking off on her manners now that she’s married to you?

Could you trade her that bad habit for one of yours? You would have to be willing to hear about your bad habits, and probably more than one, but you need to do something, as her habit is becoming an obsession for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my dog, and my dog is in love with the female dog next door. When they are both in their backyards at the same time, he makes piteous sounds because he wants to be near her. She loves him, too. There’s no way they’ll ever make puppies, thanks to the vets, so what’s the harm in our two dogs being allowed to play together? My neighbour says she doesn’t like thinking about it. She just has a dirty mind, don’t you think? We could just put a gate in the middle and they could romp around. — She Doesn’t Understand, St. Andrews

Dear She Doesn’t Understand: Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter whether this neighbour understands doggie love or not. She can keep her dog from yours with her fence if she pleases. You might consider getting another puppy, however, so your dog isn’t so lonely.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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