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Back-door-only lover and the mysterious dumping

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My "girlfriend" of three weeks always insisted I used the back steps and kitchen door of her apartment to enter and exit. I didn't know why. Earlier this week, I was late and in a hurry and decided to use the front way. When she opened the door, she said, "Now you've done it!" and she turned me around to go out, whispering to my back, "Don't bother coming to my back door, either. We are finished." How could using the wrong door be the end to a new relationship that started out dynamite? What the heck happened? -- Mystery Dumping, River Heights

Dear Mystery: Someone important in her little love-life drama can see who enters or leaves the front door of her apartment or the building. Or someone else she's seeing lives in the block and she doesn't want him or her to know of your existence. It's a moot point. She has hit the eject button and is not going to see you again. How this affects you depends on the attitude you choose to take. You can let yourself be insulted or sad -- or you can be amused and dine out on this little mystery with a few friends, finishing with, "Now, what do you think was going on?" Everybody enjoys a real-life mystery.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, my husband is an idiot and I know it, but I still love him. He gambles a lot but we have separate financial lives now, so it doesn't affect me. I'm not overly critical because I secretly go online for some anonymous sexual action. But now, a line has been crossed. My idiot partner wants what every man wants -- a threesome. I said no and then he brought up the fact I go online for cyber-action and he knows about it, so he says I'm already having other men. Then I brought up his gambling problem and how it makes me think twice about keeping him around. Now, we are barely talking. Please help end this cold war. I love him so much. -- Dying of the Cold, Winnipeg

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 5/6/2013 (1568 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My "girlfriend" of three weeks always insisted I used the back steps and kitchen door of her apartment to enter and exit. I didn't know why. Earlier this week, I was late and in a hurry and decided to use the front way. When she opened the door, she said, "Now you've done it!" and she turned me around to go out, whispering to my back, "Don't bother coming to my back door, either. We are finished." How could using the wrong door be the end to a new relationship that started out dynamite? What the heck happened? — Mystery Dumping, River Heights

Dear Mystery: Someone important in her little love-life drama can see who enters or leaves the front door of her apartment or the building. Or someone else she's seeing lives in the block and she doesn't want him or her to know of your existence. It's a moot point. She has hit the eject button and is not going to see you again. How this affects you depends on the attitude you choose to take. You can let yourself be insulted or sad — or you can be amused and dine out on this little mystery with a few friends, finishing with, "Now, what do you think was going on?" Everybody enjoys a real-life mystery.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, my husband is an idiot and I know it, but I still love him. He gambles a lot but we have separate financial lives now, so it doesn't affect me. I'm not overly critical because I secretly go online for some anonymous sexual action. But now, a line has been crossed. My idiot partner wants what every man wants — a threesome. I said no and then he brought up the fact I go online for cyber-action and he knows about it, so he says I'm already having other men. Then I brought up his gambling problem and how it makes me think twice about keeping him around. Now, we are barely talking. Please help end this cold war. I love him so much. — Dying of the Cold, Winnipeg

Dear Dying: Real love costs a lot. Your partner doesn't get the fact that paying — by not asking for a threesome — will keep you happy to be with him. You don't realize the cost of real love is giving up cybersex — unless you two are both looking for a casual, open relationship. That's not what you seem to be saying. You and your husband want each other to love, plus the opportunity to mess around. Either you strike a deal to do that and be less important to each other, or you walk. As for the gambling non-issue, it becomes an issue again whenever you're mad at him for something else. That's not fair fighting.

 

lovecoach@hotmail.com

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