August 23, 2017


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Beach bod not perfect with mismatched set

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 2/7/2014 (1147 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: To stuff or not to stuff? That is the question. One of my breasts is much bigger than the other and this is always a problem at the beach. People can't help but notice. They look at the big headlight on the right and then the little one, and then back. I see their eyes moving. I have always been an au naturel kind of woman, but I am sick of this annoyance whenever I'm at the beach. Guys don't say anything at all, though they look, but female friends kind of hope for an explanation. Should I be natural, or give in and stuff? -- Tired of Gawkers, Transcona


Dear Tired: Make your uneven breasts a non-issue this summer. Slip in a shoulder pad from any sewing store and match your two sides up. Two or three stitches will anchor the padding so there's no slippage to worry about, then it's a total non-issue and you will feel free in your bathing suit.

You don't need any more situations where you see people wondering about your breasts, or trying not to look. If an old friend who's gawked at your uneven boobage before asks about the increase, you can smile and say, "Wouldn't you like to know?" and then change the subject.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell out of love with my husband when we had children, and then fell back in after the last kid left home. I can tell you truthfully, he didn't thrill me in the least as a husband/lover those 19 years, but as a lone companion and lover, he has come back to the person he was when I met him.

Am I glad I hung on through those two decades of bringing up kids? Now I am, but I wasn't at the time -- we hardly ever had sex because he didn't want the kids to hear me (I'm a screamer). Frankly, I couldn't wait to get free of the kids so I could dump him and look for a hot lover. Oddly enough, I found one again -- my husband -- and we've been bouncing off the walls. Has anyone else experienced this? -- Second Love Affair, Same Man, Brandon


Dear Second Love Affair: What a perfectionist. Could you not have stuffed a sock in it for those 19 years and still had a good sex life? Do screamers have to scream or is it such a solid part of a performance mythology about themselves they won't settle for less than sex with high decibels? Having sex while hiding in a closet can be lots of fun, but that requires absolute silence and hardly breathing. Ditto for many other quiet scenarios.

Frankly, I'm betting you didn't want to have sex with your husband for other reasons and blamed it on your husband. Get honest with yourself and write back. Why did YOU help to make it impossible to have fun sex during the marriage?

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.


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