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Better to come clean about pregnancy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/7/2014 (1119 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last two years. I suffered one miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy during that time. I'm pregnant again and currently in my eighth week. I'm professionally employed, but haven't been happy with my current position for a long time and have been seeking other employment.

I interviewed for a job two weeks ago, which I applied for before I knew I was pregnant. I think I have a really good chance of getting it, and it would be a great career move. I should find out at the end of this week if I got the job.

My question is: When should I disclose the pregnancy? They have a six-month probation, so I would barely be off it when I have to go on maternity leave. I don't know if I should disclose it when they offer the job, or wait until I'm safely past my first trimester.

I know they can't discriminate against me because of my family status but I worry that if I tell them too early, they'll find "another reason" to replace me before the baby is born. And, if I tell them too late, they may think I hid it, in order to get the job. Any advice on how I should handle this should be appreciated. -- Professional "Baker"

Dear Professional "Baker": Tell the truth if they offer the job, and get it over with. Waiting to get caught in a lie of omission takes up too much thought process and is hard on the self-esteem. You will feel mixed up about everything, including the happiness of announcing your pregnancy. You have waited a long time to carry a baby and this just might be it. Stick with the old job if you must, and see what happens. If you carry the baby to term and go on maternity leave with your current workplace, at least it's earned and you can take the maximum time off guilt-free, and then change jobs.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour down the hall is a crazy old religious lady. She keeps putting notes under my door with Scripture on them. I pretend I don't get them. It is a game we play, because she makes me nervous. What should I do? -- Wit's End

Dear Wit's End: The caretaker is your best ally in neighbour problems. Ask him or her to speak to the lady down the hall about not slipping anything under anybody else's door, unless the two of you are close friends. They don't even need to get into the religious aspect with her. It's just "not done" and she has to quit putting unwanted notes into your apartment area.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What do you say to a boyfriend whose feet stink so bad it's enough to make me retch? I have offered to buy him beach shoes and wash them regularly and he says no, they look feminine. He has been using so much anti-odour powder in his shoes I'm afraid we're both going to choke on it. He's trying to save his favourite expensive old running shoes. He's really cheap, so cheap you never saw anything like it.

He went to the doctor this week, who admitted he could smell the stench without the shoes coming off and suggested he come back in a week for a second examination when he, the doctor, was better prepared. Did that mean he needed to buy some special mask?

My boyfriend's feet didn't stink when I met him and I make him shower before bed. How do I tell him it's gotten so bad he has to do something or I will leave him? -- Pew! Pew!

Dear Pew Pew: Find new shoes exactly the same size and brand at a discount online or in men's shoe stores locally, and then and show him. Ask him pointedly to buy them and save your relationship. Destroy or throw out the ones that reek. Some old footwear gets beyond the point it can be helped any more.

Also, ask yourself what kind of person lets this go on to the point it has. Who needs a cheap guy as a life partner? You sound young. Maybe you should put on your own shoes, and walk right out of that relationship. You should be aware he will be cheap with you and any children you might have, which is embarrassing and hurtful.


Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.


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Updated on Thursday, July 31, 2014 at 8:30 AM CDT: Corrects typo

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