August 19, 2017

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Confront your husband when you're ready

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 9/6/2013 (1531 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got home from the hospital with my first baby, to find a note from my sister in the mail. She didn't sign it, but I know her chicken-scratch writing. The note told me my husband of only one year had another woman over here while I was in the hospital. I was only gone two days, but my sister was watching from her house nearby and they held hands on the way in. Her note even gave the address of the other woman. My best friend did a drive-by, and it was this woman from his work. I guessed right. He hadn't "bothered me" for sex for five long months before the baby was born. I felt so abandoned and it's worse now. I can't kick him out right now because I'm a new nursing mother and need help so much. What a horrible mess. Please help. - Broken-Hearted New Mother, Winnipeg

Dear Broken: Do what you need to do for your baby in these first few months, and don't bow to pressure from relatives. Let your wandering husband bond to the baby and be the helper. Confront him when you're good and ready. When you do have it out, you may want to separate or he may walk out. Be prepared. Can you stay with your sister or your parents if you split up? Your husband will have to pay support, but you may need to work part-time to make money to support the baby as well... If your husband is not working and you can't either, you may need social assistance. Online you can find out right away about "employment and income assistance for single parents" at http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/assistance/pubs/eia_single_parents.pdf. Klinic offers crisis counselling 24/7 by phone at 204-786-8686. The hours for their free face-to-face drop-in counselling are at 204-784-4067. Breast milk is perfect food for a new baby, but you must eat well now -- for your health and that of your baby, If you need a food bank, don't hesitate to call Winnipeg Harvest (204-982-3663).

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a new job and no skills and do everything wrong the first few times. I don't know why they haven't fired me. Yesterday, I got called into the office and found out. The boss wants me to go with him on a business trip to assist at the big meetings taking copious notes. I got the distinct feeling he wanted more from me, because he put his hand on my shoulder when he asked. I told him I had a boyfriend who wouldn't approve. He backed right off the request and said, "Oh well, I can take a notepad, not to worry." Now I don't know where I stand. If I get fired, is it because I'm so unskilled or because I said I wouldn't go? -- Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Upset: It's actually unlikely you will be fired, at least not right now, as you have a case for sexual harassment and your boss knows it. That's why he backed right off. Do your work as best as you can, and you probably won't hear much from him again. You should speak to personnel if the place is big enough to have a Human Resources department and tell what happened to you. And if you still feel uncomfortable, start looking for a better workplace. It's too many hours a day to feel nervous while you make a point.

 

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.

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