Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m dating a beautiful woman who has some unusual, athletic tastes in the bedroom. As a man in my 50s, and an ex-football player, I have a chronically sore back and some other things that make it impossible for me to be all she wants.

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m dating a beautiful woman who has some unusual, athletic tastes in the bedroom. As a man in my 50s, and an ex-football player, I have a chronically sore back and some other things that make it impossible for me to be all she wants.

I look big and strong, and have a reputation from my football days, so she mistakenly thinks I’m up for crazy times that require some strength. I’m very attracted to her — she’s beautiful and smart as a whip, but she’s definitely not light.

I don’t want to end our relationship, but I have to disillusion her soon. What is the best way to tell her?

— Need Easy Lovin’, Charleswood

Dear Easy Lovin’: You have to tell her soon! She might be disappointed and turned off, or perhaps embarrassed. But your football injuries are not going away — and you don’t want to end up adding to your pains.

You might suggest some new things you’d prefer to do in the bedroom and put a positive spin on it, rather than just telling her you’re dialling it back with nothing else in mind. Best of luck!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the middle of Christmas holiday my out-of-work musician boyfriend left me — for no one else at all. He told me after six beers that the truth of the matter is I bore him. We’d been living together in my parents’ furnished basement, as he has no work. I have a pretty good job.

I just sat there and cried, as he moved his suitcases and musical equipment out on Boxing Day to his band-mate’s house. He has to pay pay rent there, and has no girlfriend at all. I have spies, so I know his every move. He sits at home watching TV and drinking beer.

Then yesterday — three weeks later — he told a close friend of mine he wants to come back and live with me. She called me, and I told my mom in the kitchen. Dad overheard and shouted: "No way he’s coming back after making my daughter cry!"

I’m going out of my mind seeing visions of my ex’s face in our lonely basement suite when I go to bed.

I know it’s too dangerous to go out looking for a new guy because of COVID, and my confidence has taken such a beating anyway. What should I do now?

— Alone in the Basement Suite, River Heights

Dear Alone: This boyfriend is too shallow and immature to merit living with you again. The people who do love you — your parents — won’t have him back anyway. Good! You’re missing him, yes, but the worst of it is looking around the suite which reminds you of earlier, more romantic times.

It’s time to move back upstairs into the sunlight and warmth of the family for a while. You need to be with people to gain back your personal strength and confidence — eating, chatting and socializing, even if it’s just playing cards, watching TV or having coffee and conversation. You need to stay out of that lonely basement suite.

When COVID clears, and there are many more choices of friends and things to do, you can find somebody better to love. You need someone you can be proud of and feel good about introducing to everyone you know. Tell yourself you’re moving up — in every sense — and do it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.