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This article was published 16/7/2016 (1603 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I eloped — we ran off and got married without telling anybody. She said her family was made up of a bunch of obnoxious fools. Mine live in Europe. We just got back from meeting her extended family two provinces away. Honest to God, if I had met them before we married, I might have turned and ran away. They are a hard-drinking, cursing, inter-married bunch of idiotic dumbbells. The women aren’t so bad, but they kowtow to their ignorant redneck men. Those who married young opted out pretty quickly, so they’re all on second and third marriages, carrying grudges and dragging around children. Nobody gets along and there were lots of fights.

When I asked my new wife to explain about things in her crazy family on our way home, she said, "That’s why I married you. I’m the only one with any sense. I got out young, put myself through college, got a job and never really looked back. I don’t want to go back there for five years!" I don’t ever want either of us to return. I will never go back. Should I tell her that? — Horrified By Her Family, Winnipeg

Dear Horrified by Her Family: No, keep quiet. Let her enjoy avoiding them, and keep out of it. This is complicated, but you have to understand they’re still kin and she can criticize them all she likes, but you can’t. She always knew she could go back and visit before you came along, and she went this one time to show you off, but now she’s escaping again. If you stepped in and actually tried to cut off access to her family for good, she would probably let you have it.

She won’t be surprised if you make excuses not to go the next time she does. She knows you aren’t crazy about her family from the different shocked looks on your face when they were fighting and carrying on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a pretty big party at the lake. In the morning when I finally woke up, I was told I passed out after drinking too much and that’s probably why I didn’t remember what I had done. Apparently I had sex with someone, but I don’t remember who and my friends are all laughing at me and won’t tell me. I’ve been begging them to tell me. How do I get it out of them? — The Pass Out King, Winnipeg

Dear Pass Out King: Ask one of the girls who was at the party about the sex thing in a face-to-face conversation, and she’ll probably tell you. The guys won’t — or perhaps it didn’t even happen — so stop playing into their teasing. But you do need to know if it really did happen. In a worst-case scenario, you and a girl had sex and were both too drunk to use any protection. There could be consequences you are half-responsible for, such as a pregnancy. You need to communicate with that girl and find out how she is. That’s the decent thing to do.

You sound young, so here’s a suggestion about your drinking style. It takes some time for the full force of one drink to hit a person, depending on their weight plus the amount and type of food in the stomach. So always wait until the first drink has had time to work its way through your body and you feel its effects before you drink another one on top of it. Then wait an even longer time before the third one. After three or four beers, most guys are not particularly charming, nor are they at their sexual best, although they may think they are.

Here’s a trick: you can fool a crowd at a hard-drinking party by taking your beer into the bathroom for a refill of tap water. Nobody is the wiser, and are not pushing you to keep up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home from my summer holiday in Banff feeling like I had met "the one," and was ripped away from him. He works summers up there. The last night he said he felt the same way, but he hasn’t called, texted, Facebooked or emailed. I thought I would wait until he communicated first, never dreaming there would be nothing. We were together night and day for over a week. I thought we were falling in love. It’s like he just fell off the earth. Should I call him? — Going Crazy, Winnipeg

Dear Going Crazy: By all means, call him. Think of all the energy you’ve wasted by wishing, hoping and dreaming he would call. You can keep it short and sweet by saying, "Hi, I miss you. How are you doing?" Use a form of social media that shows he has looked at your message, but doesn’t require him to answer back if he did.

If he gets your message and ignores it, he was maybe having a holiday fling with you and saying all the right things. If he happens to be working in a place where he meets a lot of tourists, this may be what the staffers do. Guys have to get used to girls coming and going, and after the first time they get hurt by a young woman having a fun time, they don’t give their hearts out anymore.

Sometimes these girls actually have boyfriends back home, and they find out they were not Mr. Right, but Mr. Right Now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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