Wife wants to go on trip but get him to pay for it

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/01/2017 (3250 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found my wife’s snarky New Year’s resolutions list for 2017: 1. Get him to take me to Bali. 2. Get him to buy decent clothes. 3. Get him to buy a book on sex. I don’t even have a name anymore. I guess I’m just “him” the husband. When did we reach this new low?

I handed the list back to her, and she got all defensive and whined that she was tired of going on cheap last-minute sell-offs and wanted to go to Bali with our best friends. “And yeah, you dress like a slob now, and you don’t put anything into making sex interesting for me anymore. What happened to you?” she said. I looked up and down her fat body and told her, “I’m supporting you 100 per cent— this house, food, bills and travel. That’s what happened!” She said I make more money than her, so I should pay.

I don’t make much more than she does. I always paid for everything before we married, and she just continued expecting that. Now what do I do? I don’t even know how I feel about her anymore. I don’t even want to have kids now. Help! — Burning With Anger, Windsor Park

Dear Burning With Anger: You and your wife may still love each other underneath, but now there’s been gasoline poured on the relationship by both of you. When everything could go up in flames with one more fight, you need multiple sessions with an experienced relationship counsellor, so make an emergency appointment for yourself and ask your wife if she’ll go with you. When she asks what you want to discuss, say, “Just about everything.”

As it stands, you pay for everything, have most of the power and she thinks she has to manipulate you. Now you need to negotiate a different style of marriage — a modern one with a balance in finances and power — not an imitation of your parents’ or grandparents’ style. And you definitely need to learn fair-fighting techniques and practise them in the counselling office. Too many people have thrown out first marriages too quickly and regretted it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Healthy, Horny and Hurting (the couple who both had cancer and are struggling with his erectile dysfunction and her problem achieving orgasm). If both are cancer patients, they have access to a few things at CancerCare Manitoba. There is a doctor who is a sexual specialist and can deal with the erectile dysfunction for him and lack of orgasms for her. There is also a psychosocial oncology department that can also help with that aspect. I’m surprised they haven’t already been referred to them as it is very common to have these issues whether it’s because of the cancer or aging. Good luck to this couple. — Sincerely, M., Winnipeg

Dear M: Sound advice, and thanks very much for writing in with your input.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the HH and H couple, I suggest a product called Gynatrof which is available at pharmacies. It is a vaginal moisturizer which was given as a sample to me by a doctor at the Mature Women’s Centre at Victoria General Hospital.

I had breast cancer and a mastectomy, reconstructive surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and was prescribed Letrozole for 10 years. This medicine removes all estrogen from a woman’s body, which causes vaginal atrophy resulting in painful intercourse. Before I started using Gynatrof, I thought my sex life was over, and I felt very depressed that my husband and I had no intimacy left in our marriage.

This product gave us back our sex life, and my body feels much better. I have shared this information with doctors, nurses and many breast cancer patients and menopausal women. — Happier Now, Winnipeg

Dear Happier Now: Thanks for sending in this personal experience and a specific product that worked so well for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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