Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I write in response to your advice to Furious Father, where the problem was that his daughter’s boyfriend cheated on her. I have some ideas.
I think he should emphasize he loves his daughter and definitely doesn’t think she’s stupid.
As you mentioned, the more you talk about how bad the boyfriend is, the further away you’ll push her.
Just comfort her (acknowledge her feelings are valid), and if she says she feels "stupid" at any point, just tell her she’s not stupid at all, just naive, and that she has now learned something.
Being naive is temporary. She’ll figure out the rest without any preaching. — Another Girl’s Father, Winnipeg
Dear Father: You sound like a great dad. I like you pointing out there’s a difference between stupid and naive. But I’m sure most dads would like to throttle the boyfriend who wounds his precious girl.
It’s important for dads like that to hold off, because the daughter might take the boyfriend’s side, shock everybody and go a second round with that same jerk, should he apologize enough.
If a dad has already "gone after" the cheater, you can be sure that young guy won’t come near the girl’s family home anymore. Then you won’t know where the young couple are and what they’re doing to make up.
Your subtle ideas are clearly better, as long as the couple doesn’t quietly broker a "second-chance deal."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You missed the boat on Embarrassed Wife. This woman doesn’t need to shame her husband with a video on his drunken behaviour at parties.
What she needs is an Al-Anon meeting! There she will find others who are experiencing the same situations, feeling the same feelings and finding new ways to deal with them.
The only qualification is that someone’s drinking bothers them. They don’t need to label anyone as an alcoholic. Hopefully she will give it a try and find new ways to deal with her husband. — Been There, Done That, Manitoba
Dear Been There, Done That: This man doesn’t sound like he has a daily problem, but is a bad boy at parties. His wife says he’ll use a party as an excuse to get drunk and spout private things and use shocking words.
I still think a video of one of his performances at a party would work well for stopping that.
Going to Al-Anon seems a bit drastic, but other peoples’ comments about going to Al-Anon might help this lady deal with him.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just wanted to say something to Her Sex Toy — the man who thinks the woman who chased him down, starting Valentine’s Day, only wants him for sex now.
If he is looking for a date with substance, contact me! It’s sad that men who want more than just sex are used.
Love your column — thanks for all your practical, grounded wisdom. — Just Call Me Liz, Manitoba
Dear Call Me Liz: Very good of you to offer your sexiness, respectful mind and multi-faceted self, but I just can’t put people together, for security reasons. (Yes, I know you were probably joking.)
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Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.