November 16, 2018

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Opinion

Dating ex-husband again not worth the initial risk

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/1/2018 (309 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got back in touch with my ex-husband because we had been such good friends when we were married.

He has a new wife now (the woman he had an affair with) and everything seemed happy with that. I was also happy with my single/dating life. I thought there was no harm talking to him online.

Then, three weeks later, he showed up at my doorstep out of a taxi he took from the airport and said he wanted to talk. Two minutes later, he had me in a passionate clinch and we were kissing like the teenagers we were when we got married.

He said, “It’s you I love and I don’t want her. I want you!” This was very good for my ego because I felt so ugly, unloved and unwanted by the end of our marriage.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/1/2018 (309 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got back in touch with my ex-husband because we had been such good friends when we were married.

He has a new wife now (the woman he had an affair with) and everything seemed happy with that. I was also happy with my single/dating life. I thought there was no harm talking to him online.

Then, three weeks later, he showed up at my doorstep out of a taxi he took from the airport and said he wanted to talk. Two minutes later, he had me in a passionate clinch and we were kissing like the teenagers we were when we got married.

He said, "It’s you I love and I don’t want her. I want you!" This was very good for my ego because I felt so ugly, unloved and unwanted by the end of our marriage.

I had felt down and listless for years, but couldn’t figure it out: I had a nice house, nice husband, housecleaners and didn’t have to work, but I was bored.

Getting dumped turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me. Life was finally a struggle again. I had to go back to work and loved it.

I had to make new single friends as the couples didn’t want me and the singles were a lot more fun.

I took a look at my fat body and started walking 10,000 steps a day and taking dance classes. I got my slim body back, grew my hair out, bought new clothes and started dating.

On the other hand, my ex looks like death warmed over. He said he was rich, but never felt so poor. He says he’s sorry about the affair, but that I was depressed and had let myself go.

Now what? Neither one of us knows what to do, so we decided to write you.

— First Loves, Tuxedo

Dear First Loves: Don’t let him have both of you again. That cloak-and-dagger affair business was his old answer to the lack of stimulation in his life.

Criticizing you to the new girlfriend made it look like the problem was you. Now you’re happy as a single and he’s still unhappy as a married guy. That points to him as the common denominator, so pack him off to straighten out his work and romantic life and stop being online friends — or any kind of friends — with him.

Now let’s take a look at your story. I’m not buying the harmless friends bit. You regained your hot body and sharpened up your life and wanted to rub it in his face.

It worked! He saw his old love and came running over for another taste of that, but take a good look at him: he’s miserable and not the man you fell in love with.

If he wants to win you back he will become the grown-up version of the man you fell in love with. Right now, he has a wife, a job that’s not a challenge and is depressed.

He may change his own life radically. If he gets his working life in order and he’s single again, only then consider dating him while you are in marriage counselling together.

 

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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