January 25, 2020

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Doing business with his ex is doggone insensitive

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I made a big blooper. I bought a new puppy, which I gave to my new wife on her birthday. Only trouble is, it came from my ex’s kennels and my wife suspected it, and was none too happy when she heard that was its origin.

She is not paying attention to the puppy, and yesterday she asked me to give it back. I will do it, but I’m not happy about it. Why is she so jealous? It’s not a baby, and my ex is innocent. So am I. I don’t get it.

— Confused Gift Giver, Outskirts

Dear Confused: You’re not very sensitive, my friend. This may not be a human baby from your ex, but it is a baby puppy she has helped raise to this point, petted all over and has her special "good luck juju" all over it. 

Give the puppy back ASAP and get one elsewhere that has no complications. And stay away from your ex. Don’t be greedy. You can’t have every woman you ever had, particularly not the last one.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a very sexy younger man in my life now. Unfortunately, the role of Sex King could not be played by my husband because he’s married to the golf greens and he’s old in many ways, including sexually. Also, he doesn’t love me.  

This spring, I finally asked him if he loved golf or me more and he said in a cold voice, "Can I have a week to think about it?" He never did get back to me. His couldn’t-care-less attitude hurt so much that I finally stopped loving him that day.

He may have some babe on the 18th hole. I wouldn’t even be jealous — good for him. I have a young man who suits me just fine, who doesn’t know or care about golf. The problem is that golf ends in the fall and so does my freedom with my lover. We have been using my house as a trysting place because he is still in grad school and has roommates. 

I am feeling heartsick about this as I have never felt so young, happy and wonderful as I did this summer — not for decades. My kids live in Toronto, so I had perfect freedom to do whatever I wanted. 

My lover has just announced that Toronto is where he wants to go for his doctorate, if he can get in. I realize I don’t even figure into his plans. But I’m afraid I’ve fallen for him.

He told me he wants to have his own family. How much longer should I hang with him? I worry about this a lot now. Can you suggest anything?

— My Disappearing Lover, South Winnipeg

Dear Disappearing: If you still want to hang onto your loveless marriage, it would be best to fade this younger man out before golfing season is over. But he’ll still be in town and you’ll still be longing for him.

If he was moving to Toronto this fall, it would be a natural ending, but that isn’t happening. If you face the fact it will end within 12 to 18 months, how long do you want to spend waiting for him to tell you when he’s actually leaving?

Consider making that decision yourself. Let’s get down to the existing cold marriage, of sorts. Have you thought about getting free? Living with a man you no longer love is not good for the soul. Why are you doing that? You have only one life to live on this earth. You could break it off with your husband and have your own place and privacy, and be able to look for and entertain at home a man who loves you.

You’re going to need to have a talk with two men very soon about how things work or don’t work this fall for you.

If your young man is talking in front of you about his doctorate and moving to Toronto, he is not being very sensitive towards you and that indicates not caring much about your heart.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.


Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

Read full biography


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