May 31, 2020

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Opinion

Don't cannonball into long-distance love affair

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man who was sweeter and sexier than I could ever imagine when I was travelling in Europe recently. It was "love" at first meeting. We quickly ditched our travel mates and went together to Paris and other countries near the City of Love for three weeks.

We are in love’s first stages but have careers on two sides of an ocean. We also didn’t have enough time to develop the relationship totally — although the sex was the greatest ever, and the friendship and the romance, too. Real love — the lasting kind — was on the doorstep. We both saw it.

But the distance and the cold weather is now between us. I’m really scared! Someone is sure to grab him up, although he is no playboy. He’s in the medical world and a serious type with responsibilities. I, too, am working in a medical field and love it. We have a lot in common. Yesterday on the phone, he hinted at us taking a job leave and doing a kind of medical charity tour together. We are missing each other terribly. Is this too soon?

— Loving My European Man, Winnipeg

 

Dear Loving: It’d be best for him to come here for a visit really soon — maybe this Christmas. It’s not the time to quit your jobs and commit to being together 24/7 on a medical mission, which could be a year or so in the organizing. For now, invite him to your world — and offer to foot half the bill. See how he does with your lifestyle, friends and family, and interests in Canada. Let him participate in your lifestyle here. Introduce him around, show him your workplace and let him see the whole picture. Goes well? Then you go there in the early spring and do the same.

If you can be together that much and still want to be together forever, you’ll one day have to choose a country and make some significant changes and moves. Highly motivated people can do all that, but it takes a great love, strong compatibility and gaining the knowledge of two languages and cultures. If all that seems great and doable for both of you, THEN you should make more serious plans — a medical mission perhaps — or looking for work in the same city.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got the boot from my girlfriend last weekend and my head is reeling. Now I’m in hell, and only weeks ago, I was about to buy her an engagement ring for $2,000. There is no hope in hell I will ever get her back with that ring because she caught me doing something dishonest and said she’d "rather date a real pig than continue with a human pig" like me. I’d thought she’d never find out. It was a drunken mistake — meant nothing to me. So now I wonder what to do with myself? She told all our friends and now I’m getting no sympathy anywhere.

My best buddy said he’d always wished she’d been with him and he was jealous of me. Now he’s P-O’d I treated her like she was nothing special. I said, "Well, buddy, you take a crack at her then!" and he gave me a smirk that said he might just do that.

So what about travelling alone at Christmas? I guess I could find a heartbreak hotel on a beach in Mexico somewhere and drink myself into oblivion. Do they double-charge for rooms for one lonely person? Will I be so lonely I just get drunk for a week straight, all alone? What do you think?

— Victim of The Turkey Dump, River Heights

Dear Victim: Well, it would cost you about $2,000 for a flight and a week in a decent place in Puerto Vallarta, having to pay the single supplement. I called a travel agent and you could probably pick up seat right now and get that settled. Then I suggest you go for counselling, because frankly, you have a bad attitude. You need to do some thinking on this holiday, for one.

Look, you weren’t even honest enough to reveal to me what you did to your girlfriend to lose her love and respect. Stop covering up for yourself when you speak to the counsellor. Then go pick up your ticket for a week at the beach at your "heartbreak hotel." You will probably have a decent time with new people staying there — as long as you don’t get drunk and morose when you’re with them. Look at this mini-holiday as your new beginning, not an opportunity to complain to people who don’t know you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our "holiday party" is coming up at work, and last year, a same-sex friend tried to get cosy with me in the cloakroom. "Just one kiss!" she begged. I refused, and she sulked for a month. How do I avoid her trying a second time?

— Don’t Want To Hurt Her, Downtown

Dear Don’t Want To Hurt Her: Try not to sit too close, but don’t be aloof either. If she goes to make a move again, just put your hand up like a stop sign, smile a little. Maybe you won’t have to say any words. It’d be wise not to drink much or do any recreational drugs so you can keep your wits about you. It’s unlikely she’ll be wanting to encourage another rejection at this year’s soirée. Just be clear-headed and friendly, and you should be fine.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

 

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Read full biography

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