Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young wife is really good in bed. Me? Not so much. So where did she learn it?
She claims she’s self-taught, but I overheard a few days ago at work that one of the guys in the warehouse used to go out with her. The word "hot" stuck out from their hushed conversation.
Maybe they think I’m some kind of stud. What a laugh!
Seriously, I wonder how she ended up with me. She says she loves me, because I’m so good and kind and easygoing, and because I’ll make a wonderful father some day.
Deep down, I’m a little afraid. I worry she will dump me for a hotter guy, before we even have a child. Please help. — Her Boring Nice Guy, Crescentwood
Dear Nice Guy: She chose you to marry, not anybody who went before! Certainly not the kiss-and-tell guy in the warehouse.
Look, she’s probably a natural spark plug. Enjoy the fire, and let her lead. She’ll bring you up to her level over time. Then you’ll be hot together.
Obviously, she feels safe and secure with you, and that’s great for both of you. So, don’t go asking her where she learned her hot moves, as that would feel like you were shaming her.
If you did that and she went into her shell, then you would have a real marriage problem brewing.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a singer and guitar player in a relatively new band, with three other guys. We’re no longer playing in bars anywhere because of COVID-19, and it’s depressing.
The dream of becoming something big is fading fast. We were just starting to make a name for ourselves. We all had day jobs, but were stoked about the future.
Now the band members don’t even want to practise together because they have young families and don’t want to endanger anyone at home.
I get that. But, they don’t even want to practise on their own! And what about me? I’m single, bored and losing hope!
People say I’m really talented and I’m also classically trained on several instruments, with a strong voice.
What now? Just let it all go or wait it out and see what’s left of us when we finally get back together? — Losing My Dream, Winnipeg
Dear Losing: "Waiting is basically an angry posture" is an old saying that has rejuvenated my own adventurous spirit in tough times. You may be a member of a band, but you’re also an individual musician, and multi-talented. Use these months offstage to climb up.
Practise your instruments, and sing like you’re getting ready to play with a new, motivated band. Learn 20 new songs, and write a few yourself. Sing, and play them back to yourself, until they really sound great.
Also, consider taking some online lessons, from successful musicians who are trying to make money now, when they can’t gig.
Now is also a good time to research a musical network, expanding your knowledge of who’s-who in your kind of music in Winnipeg, Toronto, Vancouver, New York, L.A. and Nashville. Keep notes about it.
Explore all these scenes and map out a progress route you’d like for yourself. You will be getting ready to perform on a much higher level and be ready to soar.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have eaten myself silly in the last seven months, to being a guy with a big jelly belly. I’m a great cook, if I do say so myself. But I just cook steadily now, and eat out of boredom. I don’t know what to do.
My live-in love, who’s a sporty type, rides her bike all over the place, almost 12 months a year. She told me to get moving and buy a bike. No! I have no interest in doing that.
I don’t know what to do, but I can’t keep on eating like this. I’m as roly-poly as our old dog, and that old dear is dangerously fat. — Porking Out, Southdale
Dear Porking: You could wear that weight off by walking with your old dog a couple times a day. Don’t go far at first, as you don’t want to wear either of you out. In fact, go round the block just once at first, then up it, as you get fitter.
Also, look up healthy weight-loss programs online and research better foods for your doggie.
Consider not asking your annoying fit lady to accompany you, until you can do a couple of blocks without the panting — from the dog and you!
Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.