January 21, 2020

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Dump jealous girlfriend like a box of week-old sushi

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m dating a girl who’s green-eyed jealous. Any time I interact with a woman she doesn’t know on social media, she immediately sends them a friend request, regardless of whether they’ve met before.

I see this for what it is. She’s marking her territory.

When she sends that request, she knows those women will try to figure out how they know her and then see we are dating.

We’ve been together four months and I can only imagine how bad things could be a year from now. I think I’m going to dump her. Is that wrong? Should I be trying to work on it, or is there any point?

— Feeling Watched, Charleswood

Dear Watched: You can’t tell this woman not to be insecure; she just is. Unless you want to be much less social, and be at the end of her spyglass all the time, you had best move on. At four or five months, she’ll be less devastated than at eight months, so let her down as gently and as firmly as you can. But could you not wait until the new year? Christmas is such an emotional time.

When you do break it off, just don’t be wishy-washy or she’ll promise to change, choke down her jealous feelings, be miserable inside and it will delay the breakup a few more months. She needs a dead-sure homebody guy, who feels very safe to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Christmas is coming and so is my yearly stomach ache. I’m a guy and never know what to get the people on my list and most of them don’t want to tell me outright. I want to know exactly what they want, even the brand, but they say stupid things like, "I just like everything. Use your imagination!" I don’t have one.

— Belly is Aching Already, Osborne Village

Dear Belly Aching: Since you need concrete answers, ask in categories. Say something like: "I was thinking of getting you a board game but don’t know what you already have." Then you can jot those down and get something else. It’s still somewhat of a surprise.

Or try this. If it’s for your girlfriend and she’s fairly new, you might say: "I was thinking of getting you something from a jewelry shop. Do you prefer silver, gold or a birthstone? Diamond earrings, maybe?" Warning: she might mutter, "I’d prefer a diamond ring." Then she’s either teasing or you’re in a mess of trouble. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is spending way too much money on food delivery apps, and our credit card, which I always pay in full at month’s end, is maxing out. It’s really got me freaked.

We aren’t rich people, but we were always good with money and kept our credit to a minimum. Now she’s going nuts! Why? I am paying way more than 50 per cent. Almost every day she’s ordering food now, and not paying it back. How do I approach this?

— Feeling Anxious, Downtown

Dear Angry: This is not about food, though it could be about not wanting to cook. Has she been doing most of the cooking and housework? Ask her, as nicely as you can manage, what is going on in her head and heart.

My guess is she’s resentful about something and this is a form of going on strike. Or it could be an outside stress — like being overworked on the job. Then there could also be personal stress factors. Get the real problem out in the open ASAP.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield

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