October 18, 2018

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Opinion

Express enthusiasm instead of gratitude after sex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/1/2018 (277 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Should a guy say thank you after sex? I’m a 19-year-old guy and pretty new at the sex game. I said thank you to this girl after sex last weekend, and she laughed in my face — not a mean laugh, but I knew I had made a mistake. What should I say?

— After-Sex Talk? Garden City

Dear After-Sex Talk: “Thank you” is what you would say to someone who had provided you with a service; instead, you should express enthusiasm by saying something such as, “That was great!” or “You are amazing!” But don’t ever ask, “Where did you learn that?” You’re better to leave, still wondering.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was in Mexico recently, I met a guy on the beach of the hotel we were staying at. I was vacationing alone because I was dead tired from overwork and just wanted a break. I spent the first day sprawled in the sand, reading, drinking margaritas and scampering in and out of the waves.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/1/2018 (277 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Should a guy say thank you after sex? I’m a 19-year-old guy and pretty new at the sex game. I said thank you to this girl after sex last weekend, and she laughed in my face — not a mean laugh, but I knew I had made a mistake. What should I say?

— After-Sex Talk? Garden City

Dear After-Sex Talk: "Thank you" is what you would say to someone who had provided you with a service; instead, you should express enthusiasm by saying something such as, "That was great!" or "You are amazing!" But don’t ever ask, "Where did you learn that?" You’re better to leave, still wondering.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was in Mexico recently, I met a guy on the beach of the hotel we were staying at. I was vacationing alone because I was dead tired from overwork and just wanted a break. I spent the first day sprawled in the sand, reading, drinking margaritas and scampering in and out of the waves.

I was in hog heaven. Once I rested up, I was hoping to find a little romance, and on the third day, an American guy who had been watching me made his move and we were stuck like glue for the next 11 days.

On my last night, we had the big talk, initiated by him in bed. He told me he couldn’t see me after the trip and he couldn’t give me his contact information or tell me where he worked. (As if I hadn’t already looked him up.)

He said the trip was his last kick at the can and he had snuck away pretending to be on business before he got engaged to his girlfriend and then married this summer. Only then could he be true for the rest of his life, he said. The sex from me was totally uninhibited and outrageous that night because I thought I would never see him again ever so I could be as bad and as mad as I felt!

He joked he was lucky he lived until morning. I’m back home now and the American guy popped up again, asking to be my friend on Facebook. I asked him if he broke up with his fianceé, and 10 hours later, he wrote back and said yes.

I knew he was lying and he finally admitted he couldn’t get me off his mind because I am nothing like his girlfriend. That’s the truth — no one is like me when my dominant alter ego comes out!

So I phoned him at his work (to his surprise) and told him he couldn’t have two of us at once. He said there was no way out of the wedding. And then I said, "Adios, puerco, you swine!" I hung up, and then it hit me and I started crying.

The truth is I fell so hard for him in Mexico, I just feel sick now. Did I do the right thing, getting rid of him?

— Sick From Crying, Fort Garry

Dear Sick From Crying: You did the only thing you could do: dump this liar and cheater fast. So now you just have to catch a wave back into shore from being lost at sea because he could do the same thing to someone else as he did to his girlfriend.

He loves novelty. Oddly, breaking things off with new people can hurt very badly because you never had any time to get down from the initial high of discovering each other — feeling totally infatuated — and you can crash very hard from that.

But you do know you can’t break down and agree to be his No. 2 woman or you’ll have a lot more crying ahead.

The letters I’ve had from women who waited around as a side piece for a guy who got married to his longtime girlfriend are the saddest.

You can do better than playing that role for a guy who went to Mexico to get hot sex with a new woman for a couple of weeks before he got engaged.

Don’t let him try to worm a part-time sex vacation deal out of you, where you meet up and cheat with him once or twice a year.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love with an older, married man and I’m not sorry. He was in his 60s and I was in my 30s and our love lasted a long time.

He’s long gone now and I’m in my 50s. Ironically, a younger man is chasing me now! What do you think about big age differences and love? Can they work with a more difficult older woman/younger man match?

— Sorely Tempted, South Winnipeg

Dear Sorely Tempted: That depends on what binds you. Are you wildly attracted and sexually suited? Are you both still working? Do you have open-minded families, or will they make your lives hell? Are you strong-willed, or do you bend to public opinion?

If you’re mad crazy about each other, love each other’s looks, have great sex, your work lives are compatible and the kids and grandkids aren’t going to desert you, go for it! If anybody stares at you in public, smile and wave at them as you happily walk by hand in hand.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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