Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has decided this pandemic time is a good time to amp up our sex life. Since we can’t go on our usual September holiday escape, he brought home a large bag full of sex toys for me to "evaluate."

I said "What, like give them number ratings? How stupid!" Then I lined them up on the bed and said,"Which toy would you like to evaluate first? I’ll watch?"

They’re now sitting in a bag in the big closet, where he threw them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no prude, but shouldn’t new sex toys for a romantic couple be introduced in a romantic and enticing manner, not dumped out on the bed for evaluation? — So Turned Off, Tuxedo

Dear Turned Off: It’s best to bring just one new toy out, unwrapped, batteries loaded and set it in a drawer nearby. For instance, in the heat of the moment, you might say, "Have a look at this toy. No pressure, but want to give it a go with me?"

That’s likely to get a better reaction than "Check out this big bag of sex toys, baby!" Still, no guarantees.

Look, it’s really better if you go shopping together online, before you buy any sex toys. It should be a two-person project from the get-go.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s been a huge, permanent breakup in my girlfriend’s messed-up family — and she instigated it because it needed to happen.

But, now, she’s rejecting everything and everyone in her anger and hurt — and being nasty to me, her boyfriend. I’m the one who has never hurt her, but she is looking to pick fights with me and blow everything up.

Last night was the last straw. She phoned me, ostensibly to smooth things over, but instead spewed more anger towards me about my privileged, "lucky-ass life."

Lucky? I have always worked hard at low-paying jobs, and had just lost my job that morning. But she didn’t even want to hear about that.

When I complained anyway, she blamed it on my working style, though it had nothing to do with that. It was just about cuts from everything going online.

I let her ramble on criticizing me, and then, when I tried to say goodbye, she went on about what a beautiful man I am and how much she loves me.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to abandon anyone in their hour of need, but she’s really hurting me. What should I do about her? — Not Guilty of Causing Her Pain, West End

Dear Not Guilty: Stop chatting much, unless she calls. Then assess if she’s in a decent frame of mind. Keep it short and sweet, and steer it away from family if she isn’t.

Her main focus seems to be reporting on her latest family mess and she’s made the mistake of thinking you’re a safe person to kick. Just stop things if that’s the way a call is going; make an excuse about something you have to do and tell her you’ll call her back later.

If you want to take a stand, you could say, "Honey, you really have some serious problems and I can’t help with them. You have to tell a psychologist or psychiatrist who can actually help find solutions. I am not the one. I am only your boyfriend. I can’t take the abusive tone you use with me right now, as it will only make me stop loving you, and then I will have to be gone."

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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