May 26, 2018

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Opinion

He wants to sail Caribbean, she wants to jet away

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got back from the Caribbean and I’m in love, not with another woman, but with the idea of sailing around the Caribbean with my wife.

We have no kids and we could both take sabbaticals for a year. I suggested renting out our house and taking off, before we start trying to have children and she said no. Just “No, I don’t want to,” and went on with what she was doing, as if her word was the be all and end all. I was dumbfounded; I thought we were partners.

I asked her to make a list of the things that made her say no, and she said no again, louder. Finally she said she couldn’t describe why she didn’t want to do it, but she just didn’t’ want to.

Things have deteriorated and now she’s saying she doesn’t want to stop me from living my dream, so she proposed we take a year off from our marriage.

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got back from the Caribbean and I’m in love, not with another woman, but with the idea of sailing around the Caribbean with my wife.

We have no kids and we could both take sabbaticals for a year. I suggested renting out our house and taking off, before we start trying to have children and she said no. Just "No, I don’t want to," and went on with what she was doing, as if her word was the be all and end all. I was dumbfounded; I thought we were partners.

I asked her to make a list of the things that made her say no, and she said no again, louder. Finally she said she couldn’t describe why she didn’t want to do it, but she just didn’t’ want to.

Things have deteriorated and now she’s saying she doesn’t want to stop me from living my dream, so she proposed we take a year off from our marriage.

I don’t understand: get un-married for a year and each of us be free to see other people? That has the rumblings of big trouble to me, but I still want to go. What do you think?

— Dying to Sail the Caribbean, St. Vital

Dear Dying to Sail the Caribbean: It doesn’t seem likely a year off a marriage for you to go sailing would put either of you in the mood to enjoy your break.

Your wife would be picturing you with mai tais and women on board your sailboat, and you would be wondering about your wife falling in love with some non-sailor and celebrating their love in the bed you once shared.

No, the one-year break idea is not going to sail.

But how about a summer of sailing together in the Caribbean to test out the reality? In some ways, it’s a nice lifestyle and in other ways, it’s a tough physical life and a lot of work; and there are still, believe it or not, pirates out there in modern speed boats.

It’s not impossible to make people just disappear on a great big ocean. For a couple of months, with other sailing couples, the life could be a lot of fun.

Try to get to the bottom of the no list to see if she would be OK with a compromise summer, without disrupting the life you have together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend doesn’t take care of his toenails. They are sharp and have scratched me badly down my calves when we were trying to make love.

I have bandages on one big scratch and am very mad! I told him to get with it or hit the trail. He thinks I’m making a big deal over nothing. He won’t let me clip them for him and he thinks going for a pedicure is for sissies.

— Mad and Turned Off, Lake Winnipeg Area

Dear Mad and Turned Off: Buy him a manly pedicure set in a leather case and tell him what each instrument is for. Then back off. Don’t offer to help or watch.

This may be embarrassing stuff to a macho man, so give him privacy. If he puts your gift in a bottom drawer to forget about it and is ignoring your angst over the scratchy sex situation, you have a decision to make.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m grateful for my single mom’s latest love interest because he has a son who is so beautiful, I get all nervous and tremble when I look at him. The best part is, my mother told me tonight she and his dad have decided to be just friends — that means his son won’t become my stepbrother one day.

I’m 16 and he’s almost 20. I know nothing about love, although I’ve had some crushes, and even less about sex, beyond kissing and touching. This guy I like has had some serious relationships (I overheard my mother talking).

That means he’s had sex, for sure, because that’s the way it is. I also overheard her say he recently broke up with the last girlfriend. Yay! So, he’s free. Now’s the time for my move. I just don’t know what move to make. I was thinking of contacting him to get together, but how do I just say that?

— Excited To Get With Him, West End

Dear Excited to Get With Him: You are a virgin and pretty sure he’s experienced sexually. He may be suddenly doing without. He’s really not the best guy for your first romance, no matter how good he looks.

This experienced guy is just coming off a relationship he may still want, and you are innocent, both emotionally and physically.

If you’re determined to go out with him one day, your first move is not to contact him. You need time to be prepared and protected for intimacy, beyond carrying a condom in your purse and hoping for the best. It’s up to you to read up on all forms of protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

It’s not very romantic, but it’s essential. You need to know how to be protected in several ways at once to prevent pregnancy and one way needs to be a barrier method (a good-quality condom) to prevent diseases from being transmitted.

In a few years, like when you’re 18, you might go looking for him and let him know you’re interested in meeting with him for a coffee, drink, a fun activity. Am I dreaming? If you’re still determined to go barrelling into what you hope will be a romance with this hot guy right now, and you’re too shy to go to your own childhood doctor, go to a place such as Klinic (204-784-4090) or the Women’s Health Clinic (204-947-1517), which holds a special teen clinic every Thursday evening, and talk openly to a doctor about your best protection methods.

Also, be aware of the effect of keeping your mother in touch with your hero’s father right now. That may be hurtful for one or both of them, but also might re-interest them in becoming more than friends again. Their romance could blossom and then the young guy may one day end up feeling like a stepbrother to you, as you fear.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.

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