August 4, 2020

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Opinion

Husband goes running when ex-wife calls

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/8/2017 (1078 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is an idiot. His ex-wife still calls him over whenever a pipe is dripping, the fence has lost yet another board or one of the kids is making trouble. I recognize these ruses as ways to get him back. I asked and he admitted the kids are never there when he makes these visits, even if the subject is their bad behaviour.

How do I get her out of our private life? We are the couple, not them anymore, and she is the one who left the relationship because she said he was lazy both in and out of bed. The truth is he was depressed and lethargic. He is no longer lazy around the house, or in the bedroom. He’s dressing well because of me and much happier. I’m not scared of her! Should I call her up or go visit and have it out with her? — Defending My Man, St. Boniface

Dear Defending My Man: He’s not your rehab project, he’s not your son and he may not even be your man exclusively. He’s an adult, so don’t go over there to fight with his ex. He has to cut off the service-man calls because he wants to. Maybe he gets some satisfaction from seeing his ex prance around, trying to flirt with him, even if he’s totally over her and not responding. Or, maybe there is something going on over there. It’s time to draw a line in the sand. Either she stops calling him for visits and he does, or you’re gone. It sounds like you two may have jumped into this too fast.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 31. I’ve loved two women in my whole life, with other relationships in between. Those two loves both moved away, which made it easier to stay away from them and heal. But this summer they’re both back living in Winnipeg. Because I’m still single and available (and in good shape), I guess I’m a prime target.

The first, my high school love, went off to college in another city. I got over that one fast. I met her again this spring at our a high school reunion, then she called me up and we went for a drink a few weeks ago. She had married and divorced a real loser from our hometown and I just felt sorry for her. She’s still cute, but a silly woman, and I have no interest there.

The second happened in my 20s and she was the greatest love of my life. She broke up with me because of a drunken slip up on her part: she cheated with a guy I knew. She confessed and we went our own ways. That one really hurt. It took several years, but at least she had the courtesy to move to another province.

She has been divorced for four years. I ran into her at our favourite little beach recently, where we had strangely both gone the same day, alone. We were the only two people on the beach. It seemed like fate. We had a long talk. We’ve met a few times since for coffee, but last night she said she never got over loving me. I never totally got over her either, but the fact remains, she cheated on me. Should I give her another chance, like she is asking for, or am I a dumb fool for even considering it? — Comfortably Single, River Heights

Dear Comfortably Single: Comfortably Single? You’re not comfortable anymore, so face facts. This second woman, now a grown-up, paid for her mistake big time, and you’ve paid, too. At this point in your life, why not chalk that drunken "slip-up" to youthful curiosity and stupidity and give it another try? You have no one in your life now and you both clearly care about each other. Also, you both ended up at the same beach on the same day. Maybe take it as a sign and open up to the experience. Here’s the deal: secretly (don’t tell her) extend her six months of credit and see how it goes without harping on the long-ago indiscretion. She was the love of your life and you were hers. Since she divorced the guy she married and has no kids, it’s likely there is no competition from that source. Why not try? Please write back on how it goes.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg,MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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