December 16, 2017

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Opinion

Husband no longer buying wife's penchant for lying

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I knowingly married a woman who’s a liar. I married her because I know one thing for sure: she loves me and fawns over me, and I’m not a rich man by any means. There’s only me, that’s all she gets. She also loves having sex with me and I trust the reactions I see. The trouble is she lies over stupid stuff, such as what kind of cereal she had for breakfast. I was so nuts about her in the beginning, I thought it was kind of cute. I used to tease her when I’d catch her, and she’d put her hand over her mouth and giggle like a little girl. When we stood at the front of the church making our vows and had to promise to love each other for life, she winked at me. I didn’t find that funny. l’ve noticed in the last year some of our friends are drifting away and not inviting us over. She would like to have a baby, but I’m not sure. I refuse to give up condoms because I don’t trust she tells the truth about taking the pill. I don’t even trust her to tell the truth to a counsellor. Although it breaks my heart, I’m thinking of leaving her if she continues to want kids with me, as I think she would make a poor mother.

— Upset Over My Lying Wife, North End

Dear Upset Over My Lying Wife: She will need strong motivation to change.

Because you are thinking of leaving her — and she honestly loves you — she might go with you to a relationship counsellor where you can bring up the lying, and she can also bring up things that bother her about you. Your counsellor may need to open her up to working with a psychiatrist or psychologist who can help her. There may be a reason she started lying, such as parents who were perfectionists, feelings of inadequacy or getting off on people looking impressed with the lies she spins. And lying can be attached to an assortment of psychological disorders.

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I knowingly married a woman who’s a liar. I married her because I know one thing for sure: she loves me and fawns over me, and I’m not a rich man by any means. There’s only me, that’s all she gets. She also loves having sex with me and I trust the reactions I see.

The trouble is she lies over stupid stuff, such as what kind of cereal she had for breakfast. I was so nuts about her in the beginning, I thought it was kind of cute. I used to tease her when I’d catch her, and she’d put her hand over her mouth and giggle like a little girl.

When we stood at the front of the church making our vows and had to promise to love each other for life, she winked at me. I didn’t find that funny.

l’ve noticed in the last year some of our friends are drifting away and not inviting us over. She would like to have a baby, but I’m not sure. I refuse to give up condoms because I don’t trust she tells the truth about taking the pill. I don’t even trust her to tell the truth to a counsellor. Although it breaks my heart, I’m thinking of leaving her if she continues to want kids with me, as I think she would make a poor mother.

— Upset Over My Lying Wife, North End

Dear Upset Over My Lying Wife: She will need strong motivation to change.

Because you are thinking of leaving her — and she honestly loves you — she might go with you to a relationship counsellor where you can bring up the lying, and she can also bring up things that bother her about you. Your counsellor may need to open her up to working with a psychiatrist or psychologist who can help her. There may be a reason she started lying, such as parents who were perfectionists, feelings of inadequacy or getting off on people looking impressed with the lies she spins. And lying can be attached to an assortment of psychological disorders.

A trained therapist would be able to help her out, if she’ll go. It’s worth a try. She’s lucky to have you — a person who chose her as a mate despite her lying — and she would be scared to lose you. Readers, please write in if you have had any experience with a person who lies habitually, and who got that problem resolved.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell head-over-heels for a woman online and I finally asked her if she would be willing to move to Canada. She said a definitive no.

She said she loves America, no matter what its current problems are, and all her friends, family and her job are there. She asked me to move down there, but I’m in my 50s and have a job here I love.

How do you have half a marriage? My first wife and I married too soon and this woman I met online is the only woman I’ve ever really loved!

— In Love With An American Woman, Winnipeg

Dear In Love With an American Woman: Take off a month to be with her and see how it goes living together 24/7. Living apart allows you to share your best selves and have some complete autonomy and time to breathe.

Living together means sharing decisions and costs, and less time to be alone to do your own thing. That can be good or bad. At least you’ll know. Rather than wrangling over which country to live in, take your relationship on a 30-day test drive.

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.

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