DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I met a real fun couple. We have gone to listen to various bands, gone to restaurants, movies, socials the normal couple things. I thought we found the perfect couple for our friends.
Last weekend they invited us to their friends’ house party. About two hours in, a women came with a bowl and asked if we wanted to put our keys in it. Put our keys in? I looked at my husband and we both said, "OMG this is a swingers party." I wanted to leave immediately, but my husband was hesitating.
We did finally leave, but my husband keeps bringing the swinging party up. I told him I’m not into being with anyone but him.
His response was, "Might be fun!"
Now I’m upset with this couple and my husband. How do we go back to the way things were between us?
— Not Swinging EVER! Silver Heights
Dear Not Swinging: It’s a shame to get introduced to something sexually tempting outside a happy marriage where there was no problem before. Some people see it as chance to "have their cake and eat it, too." They think they can have sex with other people and everything’s going to be OK. They think they will talk about their experiences after and re-live them in conversation and it will be a jolly old time, at all the key parties.
I’m reminded of a young man who was part of a regular threesome with an older married couple. Everything was fine until one day the husband came home for the sexual get-together with a woman in tow — a young person HE found attractive — thinking it’d even out as a foursome.
Surprise! His wife, who had been enjoying the young-man-addition to their married sex, totally lost her mind — and the young guy had to grab his clothes and run for his life.
You see, jealousy comes to these parties as the uninvited guest and sits in the room waiting to strike. It doesn’t take much. Even the fact your husband is thinking about this is making you feel unhappy and jealous. Who knew he could yearn for outside sex like this?
You can only hope it will wear off over time and he won’t go back for more sexual adventure without you. You’re going to have to ask him outright what he plans to do because there’s always a chance of a sexually-transmitted infection when people get together sexually with people they barely know. That’s not all you have to talk about — your relationship may be at stake.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been dating this guy for about a month. My girlfriends are wanting to know if I’ve tried out the merchandise. I told them I usually wait until I feel I really know the guy. They mocked me, saying, "What if, after all the time dating, you find out he’s not very good in bed?"
I’m so upset with them... I’ve never said anything about their one-night stands. Now I’m their little joke, and they’re calling me Virgin Mary. How should I respond? A better name for me now is...
— Miserable Mary, Fort Rouge
Dear Miserable: Time to expand your group of friends. Don’t let these people be your besties and your only friends. They are critical and hurtful and they want to knock you down for being careful with your body and your heart. Maybe it makes them feel a bit guilty.
Look, a person might be able to have technically good sex with a very new partner, but it’s a lot more fun, and emotional to boot, if you take the time to get to know each other, beforehand. Then you have been looking forward to making love and the desire builds. Because you really like and trust each other, you’re apt to be more loving and inventive.
Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.