Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a bad experience on a date last weekend and I need to tell someone about it.
I was thinking I must be bisexual because I was attracted to this girl I met in the Pride Parade.
We had a date the next day, one thing led to another and I wasn’t interested when she kissed me on the mouth.
I think she’s beautiful inside and out and told her that, but when it came down to the nitty-gritty, I failed to respond, at all. I certainly couldn’t French kiss with her. I made stupid excuses to get out of her place and went home.
It was a different kind of walk of shame. I hurt this girl by rejecting her sexuality. I just shook my head after one kiss and apologized awkwardly and said, "This is not for me." Is there anything else I can do? I’d like to be her friend.
— Feeling Like a Loser, Downtown
Dear Loser: This sometimes happens when two people of any sex are out for the first time and, though they’re both attractive, the sexual spark just isn’t there.
The first kiss feels disconnected rather than a physical expression of desire and/or emotion. So what can you do?
Leave it alone. Phoning her to explain you’re just not attracted is going to make things worse. Texting would be even worse.
You must leave it alone, put up with the awkwardness you feel and just let the embarrassment dissipate.
If you need to talk it out, do it with a friend. Don’t call this girl up and make it worse for her.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I tend to talk to people on the bus and I had a great conversation with a man who was going to the university to write an exam.
He was so nervous he was afraid he’d forget everything he studied. I talked him down to earth and he thanked me profusely as he left the bus.
Two days later, I saw him on the bus again and I waved and smiled and even gestured for him to come sit down with me. He smiled, ignored me and kept on standing. I could tell he recognized me. Wouldn’t you think he’d come over and tell me about the exam? I just don’t get it.
— Helpful Bus Person, University of Manitoba
Dear Helpful: That’s all he took it as — help when he needed it. It wasn’t about give and take or a friendship after he left the bus. He needed advice and you gave it to him as a stranger.
To him, you’re still a stranger. Sometimes when people are all wound up and they reach out to a stranger and tell them something private, they feel like a weirdo later. He may not have wanted to come and bother you by bending your ear a second time.
Or, maybe he thought you felt sorry for him. You’d think your gesture would have let him know he was welcome. Maybe he was just thinking about himself again and didn’t want to be friendly.
I’m sorry he did that to you. It wasn’t "friendly Winnipeg" behaviour.
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.
Updated on Thursday, June 14, 2018 at 12:20 PM CDT: minor edits