DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night, lying beside my new husband, I had another erotic dream about my ex-husband. Believe me, sex was the only thing we had going for us, but it couldn’t keep us together.

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night, lying beside my new husband, I had another erotic dream about my ex-husband. Believe me, sex was the only thing we had going for us, but it couldn’t keep us together.

However, I am frustrated! The new man I’ve married — a handsome man with a beautiful soul — is from a religious faith that doesn’t believe in premarital sex. All we could explore until we wed were good-night kisses — and he’s definitely an excellent kisser. We married quickly.

I thought he’d be eager about sex and would have studied up. But he didn’t. He has no skills! I didn’t realize he’d be so unimaginative. He only has three moves — the very basics.

— So Disappointed, rural Manitoba

Dear Disappointed: It’s no secret to him you were married before, so he knows you have sexual experience. He’s probably afraid of being clumsy, or doing things you don’t want. You already know he became a wonderful kisser through practice. He’s obviously capable of learning, and he’s in love with you.

So why not be his teaching partner, starting with complimenting him on his amazing kisses and how they turn you on? Then tell him you want to show him some different things that will please and excite you.

Don’t say too much — like "put your hand here" or "not like that, like this!" which can kill the mood. Just show him, and give him lots of praise (which will heighten the excitement of learning for him) and then for both of you as you learn the dance of love together.

Once your new husband gets confident and comfortable with some fun new moves, ask him to share fantasies with you. Just don’t ask too soon for role-playing, as that’s a master class for after you have the basics polished and feel safe and intimate doing some different things.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father is moving back to Winnipeg and this is a problem for the whole family because my alcoholic mother is still in love with him. When she’s "in her cups" she always starts in about how wonderful her marriage was to him. That was before he quit drinking, and she could not. She tried and failed many times.

He grew disgusted and finally took his new sober self out of province and married a woman he met at Alcoholics Anonymous there. That marriage didn’t work out, so now he’s coming back.

We "kids" are grown up now with our own families and he retired early with a fair bit of money.

I don’t want him to take us back in time! I’ve got a sick stomach thinking about his coming back. We don’t need any more of this drama. What do you suggest?

— Roller-coaster Ride Coming, St. Boniface

Dear Roller-coaster Ride: It’s out of your hands at this point, so treat it that way. Don’t let Dad move in, even for a week. Let him know he needs his own place before he even gets here because your mother comes over to your house — and will be trying to run into him.

Then give Mom the message she needn’t hang around your place to run into her ex, because he won’t be staying with you. The other big rule is you won’t listen to either one of them talk about the other. If enforced, they won’t see much of you for a time. They will want to talk and complain and will just have to spout off to old friends.

If they phone and start in about each other, say pleasantly but firmly: "OK, now that you’ve brought this forbidden topic up, I’ll have to say goodbye. Talk to you later." Let them know clearly their old broken relationship, which caused you so much pain, is not going to be re-introduced to your life.

Send questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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