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This article was published 9/11/2019 (316 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a macho woman in my early 30s who has always attracted weaker men like pesky flies. It seems they can’t get enough of me — and I can’t get away from them fast enough. Make no mistake. I don’t want a macho guy to slap me down. Those kind of idiots have tried to date me, and then quickly tried to show me who’s boss.
So, I’m asking you: what kind of man is for me? I can do anything a man does and I work in a blue-collar trade for a company that builds houses for high-end people. I also have sexual desires and a need for love and warmth — a personal life like any other red-blooded human being.
I don’t want a lesbian, as my body responds to a male body and voice and laugh. Some older men have seemed like a possibility, but I don’t want a codger, and younger guys might be immature. I’d like to meet a great guy, get married and have one baby someday. Just one, that’s all I ask in this crazy world! What do you suggest?
— Stymied & Love-Starved, Winnipeg
Dear Love-Starved: How about widening your age requirement — like someone older or younger, by even 10 years? What you need is a confident macho man who loves you madly. There may be some passionate spats and quarrels here and there, when one or the other of you disagrees strongly, but as long as there’s a lot of mutual respect, the makeup sex with you two sparky people will be dynamic.
Can you tolerate sharing the stage? That’s the big question. Can you share power and both respect each other in your fields? Oh, it’s pretty easy to share a bit of it in the beginning and then try to go back to being the 100 per cent boss in the relationship. So you need to make a 50-50 or 60-40 deal, or go for division of labour and split the zones.
You could do well with a guy with power in another trade, or even the boss of a building business — but probably an office-type is not the best for you. You are also a natural leader. You need someone who understands and appreciates your work from an insider’s perspective. And, you also need a guy who wants to have a baby, and help look after the little one.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a musician in town, and I’m in love with another musician who happens to be married. This has been a problem for us for a lot of years. We didn’t ever have sex, so technically he wasn’t cheating, until recently.
We do meet at gigs and open mics and have gotten into clinches in back hallways and and shared a lot of passionate kisses and those pointless "We can’t do this again!" conversations. But then we made the mistake of working on a musical project a few weeks ago — together at my place.
We worked hard at first and then we had some wine, and things went from warm to hot, and now we really are guilty of doing the wild thing. That’s cheating, at least for him. What now?
— The Other Woman, Southern Manitoba
Dear Other Woman: As my wise father used to say, "Sex is like a fire and once it’s started in a relationship, it’s almost impossible to stop."
You need to talk with this man about where this is going. One way to stay single for the rest of your life is to have a hot affair going, with sex and meetings at your private home.
Do you really want a partner who lives with you, is committed and wants children one day? Then you have to know if, and when, this guy is leaving his wife to live with you. If the answer is never, then you know what you have to do.
Here’s an exercise to help you break free: imagine a guy something like this man, who is free and loves you and wants you, and is willing to forsake every other possible girlfriend and be 100 per cent with you. Is that exciting or does it make you feel stifled?
If you do want a real relationship, and he’s staying with his wife, now is the time to break it off. Ask him why has he made no move to leave his wife to be with you. Possibly it’s because he can have two women, and that’s quite a deal. But then, you get half a relationship. That’s the bad end of the deal — unless you want a lot of personal freedom.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a great mom, but we lost our dad and she is a widow at a young age. My brother and I know this guy who coaches us who would be good for her. She doesn’t seem to notice him. He has no wife or girlfriend.
We dragged him over to meet her a few weeks ago after our game, but nothing has happened. What else can we do?
— Found Her a Guy, Winnipeg
Dear Found: What you found was a "new dad" candidate. You did all you could to make him aware of your nice mom, and neither one seems to be interested. Too bad. Maybe she will meet a nice guy on her own when she’s finished getting over the loss of your dad — and her husband. She may seem fine to you already, but she might still be missing him a lot on the inside.
That hurt will take time to heal, but it will at some point. It sounds like she hasn’t been dating yet, though perhaps she has, in secret. Give her time to round up another great guy. For now, you guys give it a rest, and let your mom heal her heart and get herself ready for new love.
Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
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