July 8, 2020

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Opinion

Might be best to extricate yourself from family drama

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My former best customer (a woman about 10 years older than me) is the most beautiful person inside and out. She used to come into my store and I thought she was the greatest — witty, good-natured, easy-to-please and exciting. Plus, she’s beautiful, but married.

One day I told her I wished she was my age and single, so I could ask her out. She listened, laughed and said her husband wouldn’t like that, "but maybe she had a surprise for me!"

She brought her daughter into the store that week, and she was a carbon copy of her mom. It turns out mom had her at 18. Well, that was it for me!

I got the daughter’s number and got right into a relationship with that beautiful girl — and she liked me, too.

She also seemed to like the money I have and was innocent enough to let that be known. When we went out for dinner she chose the most expensive places in town. She loved my cars, and when I took her on a holiday it blew her mind. In bed, we were pretty good together, too.

Finally, I asked her to tell me honestly if she loved me, and she looked down for a long time. Then she said, "I like you, but it’s my mom you’re really in love with, isn’t it? Anybody can tell that."

That was the end of us, and her mom stopped coming into the store. I miss the mom’s friendship so much. Should I call her, just as a friend?

Just Asking, Tuxedo

Dear Asking: No, don’t call her! It’s time to stop kidding yourself. Neither the mom nor the daughter is in love with you. Perhaps the mom loves her husband — and was just flirting with you for fun and discounts when she’d come into the store.

You couldn’t fool yourself forever that the daughter was not a total substitute. The daughter was not feeling real love either. In fact, she read the situation right! You adore her mother, not her. The daughter was a younger visual copy, but that’s it. She’s a whole different personality.

It’s weird the mother threw her daughter at you. You can bet that after the breakup, her daughter went home and told mom mother exactly why it broke up, and also to stop interfering in her life and to start paying attention to her own husband — her dad!

Realize that the older woman may love her husband, but the romantic relationship needs reviving. The daughter would hate you for breaking her parents up and it would be mighty awkward to have you start dating her mom, even if she should divorce dad. Stop pining! There’s no going back there.

It’s time to turn the page and give up on this married woman. You might need to see a relationship counsellor or a psychologist to get over this one, because it’s so complicated.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is married to an idiot — me. She has a big professional job with great pay, and she’s able to go and do it in her workplace. I look after the kids, as I’ve been forced to work remotely due to COVID-19.

I got annoyed and kind of jealous, and started telling my wife she should be doing more around the house when she’s here because she does nothing except help put the kids to bed. Then she falls into bed early and snores, and I am ornery and frustrated.

One morning, before she left for work, I hinted I could fool around online.

She said, "Go ahead! Give it your best shot! At least you can’t bring home anything."

We have had no love life for months, and I was mad! So I started playing around just a little bit online with this girl I know from my old work. When I had to run and do something, I forgot to close things down and my wife came home unexpectedly and saw some of my fantasy stuff. She knows the girl I was fooling around with because I used her name and it’s unusual.

So now my wife is still working hard, and spending any spare time at home interacting with the kids. She’s sleeping on the other side of the bed, and if I sidle over, she says in a freezing cold voice: "Don’t touch me!" What can I do? I love her, and I am a big idiot.

In Deep Trouble, Fort Garry

Dear Trouble: Since you can’t make up to her by being her lover, you can at least be a wonderful daddy to the kids, and help them make things for mom and cook special dinners. Apologize to your wife a few more times, assuring her it never went any further after she saw that fantasy letter.

You really need to make up emotionally, before you can make up sexually, and time’s a-wastin’! If you get the bad feeling your wife’s going to turf you as soon as she can, start phoning around tomorrow to find a relationship counsellor who works over the phone, and get started with counselling on your own. Hopefully, your wife will be curious enough to join in, and you might save things for you as a couple, and for your whole family.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

Read full biography

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