Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I changed my voice to a soft, whispery tone and made an erotic call to my new guy in his windowless office. I started by using a higher voice and talking hastily, as if I were afraid we’d get caught. I heard him go over and close the door to his office. He started to respond, and was saying hot things back — when he called me by another girl’s name. Then I realized he didn’t know it was me.
It was the name of his last girlfriend, and he was quite happy to keep going. Normally, I have a very low voice and talk slowly, but the change of voice fooled him totally. I paused, and said in my normal voice: "It’s me!" and then yelled my name, hung up in his ear and started crying.
He left work, and came right over, expecting a fight. I said nothing. Then he said, "Well, it’s your own fault for making a prank phone call." I just looked at him, and pointed at the door. His car squealed out and I don’t know what to do now.
I called my best girlfriend and she asked me, "Do you love this guy?" and I could not say yes. But we had been headed that way. What now?
— All Mixed Up, Downtown
Dear All Mixed Up: Now you know one thing for sure. This new man will respond to what he thinks is his last girlfriend’s voice and have phone sex in his office with her. Wherever this new relationship was headed before, it’s sliding back downhill now. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, so just let him go and be glad he’s gone.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman in my early 30s — well educated, good common sense. But lately, I’m falling for a younger man (late 20s) who is so hot I’ve made excuses in my mind for all kinds of potential problems with him.
Within two weeks, he had eased himself into my bedroom a nightly basis, and lately, he’s been gaining a stranglehold on my heart. Now he’s hinting he wants to move in. I haven’t been to his place, because he said he is living with friends in Wolseley and there’d be no privacy.
I was OK with my place. Heck, I was OK with anything, if we could just get back into bed. Making love, he was simply magnificent, and I was his princess.
I asked what he did for a living, and he said he was a writer of technical manuals — nothing I’d want to read. I’d go off to work; he’d eat breakfast and either stay or go. I’d invite him to meet me at home for dinner and he’d come back and cook (he’s a great cook) and he’d be very hungry.
This morning I met someone who knows him, who told me he is couch-surfing.
I wonder what else he hasn’t told me and if he really has this job he tells me about. If so, does he have a computer and a desk somewhere, or even a laptop or tablet I haven’t seen? Is he partially couch-surfing over there in Wolseley, as he says?
Miss L, I just need the truth. I’d probably ask him to move in, if he’s just down on his luck but working. My life hasn’t been this warm and good in a long time. If I bust him on the couch-surfing (semi-homeless) issue, it will shame him, but I can’t go on not knowing his reality. And mine! What do you think?
— Crazy About Him
Dear Crazy About Him: You could kindly but seriously say, "I think I might want you to move in with me someday, but I have to know the whole truth about your situation, your work and where you live. In fact, let’s tell each other the stories of our lives. You go first, because I know so much less about you."
This shouldn’t sound like a mean statement, but a direct request for the truth, and the whole truth. He may just get up and leave if he’s guilty of using you, or he may stay and give you a story.
You also need to get a look at his "friends in Wolseley" (if they exist) and the place where he stays.
Look, great lovers are not easy to find, and it’s not fun to be alone as you have been. This may be a smart guy who lost his regular job and does some freelance writing and stays with friends. Or he could be a loafer and user of women with great bedroom skills. You need to find out.
If he’s not a user, and you really fall for each other, you might want to take him on as your house husband and part-time writer. As a lifelong writer myself, I know of a few couples in this situation where one works a salaried job and the other writes piecework.
What’s important is to determine the depth of this guy’s feelings for you, not just your home-providing possibilities. If he flits from woman to woman, and doesn’t work at anything at all, then you need to find that out quickly, before your heart gets as excited as your body is.
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.