September 25, 2018

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Opinion

She threw water on his burning love

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I burned myself trying to impress a woman by building a fire in her fireplace. I thought it would be romantic. She laughed when I was seriously hurting and I cried a bit. Instead of putting my hand under cold water and expressing sympathy, she made fun of my lack of manliness and the fact I couldn’t even build a fire. I got my coat and went over to my mother’s house (she’s a nurse) and she took care of me. I stayed over that night and she gave me motherly TLC and a nice breakfast, and then asked about my new girlfriend. Afterwards, she said the girl didn’t sound very beautiful on the inside and told me I could do better.

My girlfriend has been calling me since, and leaving apologies. She’s really good-looking and sexy and I’m doing without, and I feel like giving in. What do you think?

— Burning For Her, Osborne Village

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I burned myself trying to impress a woman by building a fire in her fireplace. I thought it would be romantic. She laughed when I was seriously hurting and I cried a bit. Instead of putting my hand under cold water and expressing sympathy, she made fun of my lack of manliness and the fact I couldn’t even build a fire. I got my coat and went over to my mother’s house (she’s a nurse) and she took care of me. I stayed over that night and she gave me motherly TLC and a nice breakfast, and then asked about my new girlfriend. Afterwards, she said the girl didn’t sound very beautiful on the inside and told me I could do better.

My girlfriend has been calling me since, and leaving apologies. She’s really good-looking and sexy and I’m doing without, and I feel like giving in. What do you think?

— Burning For Her, Osborne Village

 

Dear Burning For Her: Well, you can get over her now, or you can have some more sex with her, and get over her later, but guys who have good mothers generally try not to marry selfish, unkind people who try to mock you out of your pain. Think about that.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in a bad position. I’m engaged to a woman who is the love of my life, but I have not been entirely truthful with her. I got a teenage girlfriend pregnant when we were very young. I was really hoping she would have an abortion, but she chose to have the baby, absolved me of all responsibilities and stopped seeing me. I have not ever paid any support, and have not told anyone about this child, who is almost 10 years old at this point.

To my surprise, I heard from the mother last week when she sent me a note on Facebook with a photo of my daughter, saying she just moved back to Winnipeg. She said her daughter wants to meet her dad.

My fiancée has no idea this child exists. I didn’t tell any other women I dated either because of the no contact/no responsibility deal I set up with the mother. The mom described my daughter’s personality and interests, and she sounds a lot like me. In her photo she looks very much like me as well. I really want to meet her now that I’m more mature, but what about my fiancée? I don’t want to lose her.

— Worried About the Lie, River Heights

 

Dear Worried About the Lie: If your fiancée is really the right person and you’re honest with her right away, you probably won’t lose her. Expect this though: she won’t be impressed that you kept a secret so big from her, and only told her after you got engaged. But that’s still much better than springing it on her once she’s said her vows to you at the wedding. Then she’ll feel like she was really tricked.

So, take your chances now, and hope the little girl likes both you and your fiancée. Seeing the child and your old girlfriend in secret would be a very sneaky move, so don’t even contemplate it. Your fiancée may not want to be at the first meeting. It’s totally her decision to make, no pressure either way from you.

As for the support you never paid, that is money legally owed and your ex could have had it extracted from you all along. So you owe a lot of back support and should talk to a domestic lawyer about how best to address this significant debt. A university fund might be part of the deal. Your ex may have suffered a great deal of hardship raising this child on her own and will probably need monthly support now.

You should definitely see your little daughter and tell your fiancée right away. That’s an openness that’s really needed at this point.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a red-haired woman and her husband. I felt like I recognized her from somewhere. I couldn’t let them just go by when I met them at this party. I got their names and invited them to an intriguing theme-dinner party at my place. The longer I was around her, the more I got the feeling we had known each other before.

Finally, the woman had drunk enough red wine, and asked why I kept staring at her. I told her I had a feeling we had known each other and she said she felt the same, and that was the reason they went to my dinner. We talked for an hour and couldn’t figure the connection out. She thinks we should go to see a psychic together. What do you think?

— Wanting the Answer Badly, West Kildonan

 

Dear Wanting the Answer Badly: That kind of thing is for you to decide. You might also explore your family trees on both side to see if there’s a place where branches coincide. You may be distantly related and have a similar look, ways of moving and talking like much older relatives you share, or a older generation dead and gone (there could be photos somewhere).

When I went to northern England to meet some relatives on my father’s side, I had old aunts over there who had never met my Aunt Kay over here, who was so like them, she even had the same ways of moving her body and her head. The voice and cadence was eerily the same. This is Winnipeg, and it could be that siblings or half brothers and sisters came to North America long ago, and went separate ways. In my Scurfield family, some went to the States, and some went to towns in Manitoba. Immigrant families don’t always stick together when they reach the new world.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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