February 24, 2018

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Opinion

Sleeping with sister's boyfriend created house of hell

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My two daughters aren’t talking to each other, and they live at home. The oldest is packing her room up to move down to the basement, so she’s not even on the same floor as her sister. It has been all-out war around here since the younger sister slept with her older sister’s most recent boyfriend. The younger sister was jealous of the relationship while it lasted and flirted openly with him. When they broke up, she saw her chance and went after him.

Only one person knew and she blabbed to my broken-hearted older daughter, who had gotten dumped, about what her younger sister had done, and now there’s hell to pay.

How do we get these sisters back together again? Their dad and I have tried and got nothing but slammed doors and “Leave me alone!” screamed through the doors. Our daughters have called each other names we didn’t even know they knew.

— South End Hell, Winnipeg

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My two daughters aren’t talking to each other, and they live at home. The oldest is packing her room up to move down to the basement, so she’s not even on the same floor as her sister. It has been all-out war around here since the younger sister slept with her older sister’s most recent boyfriend. The younger sister was jealous of the relationship while it lasted and flirted openly with him. When they broke up, she saw her chance and went after him.

Only one person knew and she blabbed to my broken-hearted older daughter, who had gotten dumped, about what her younger sister had done, and now there’s hell to pay.

How do we get these sisters back together again? Their dad and I have tried and got nothing but slammed doors and "Leave me alone!" screamed through the doors. Our daughters have called each other names we didn’t even know they knew.

— South End Hell, Winnipeg

Dear South End Hell: Fights like this can become a lifetime rift if they are allowed to go on. You need outside interference for this family feud. Is there a guidance counsellor at school one or both of the daughters trust? You could even invite some counsellor to your place for a house call, and force a meeting.

If there is no one at school, if you could get the sisters to see the same outside relationship counsellor or psychologist, apart and then together. It could help. This problem is too big for you and your husband to deal with yourself.

You might also want to talk to the guy involved in this triangle, since you must know him pretty well. It would be best if you got his story, too, as the girls’ stories are going to be contradictory, plus there could be more of a back story than either daughter will ever tell you about previous behaviours, and possibly revenge motivations. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: More than 35 years ago, I was married in a hippie-style casual wedding — not legal but with flowers, friends and flowing gowns. We were extremely happy and lived together for two years before he went back to his country to marry his betrothed, and I carried on with a broken heart and finally married a man who was barely second best. Those years in university were the best days of my life and I dreamed about that man on and off all my life. My husband died last year.

My kids pushed me to get on Facebook after seeing my extreme loneliness. I did, and my status said my married and maiden name and that I was widowed. No sooner was my Facebook picture up than I got a note from my former beloved! We wrote for three weeks and exchanged pictures and he said he was coming to meet me immediately.

I had no idea what immediately meant, but I gave him all my info. Imagine my shock when he rang my doorbell less than one week after that. He held out his arms and I literally fell into them. We spoke of my situation but not much of his. He stayed a week. Finally he cried and said he had to go home. He said he and his wife have never loved each other, but they had an arrangement and respect for each other’s privacy.

She also has another person in her life. He asked if I would consider being his mistress in a foreign land. Funny language. He is now a very wealthy man with a son running the family business. I don’t know what to say or what to consider.

— Back in Love, Winnipeg

Dear Back in Love: Well Lenny Kravitz lives by the motto, Let Love Rule. What do you live by? This is a question you have to answer for yourself. How much time can this man from another land actually spend with you? Will he keep you from finding a local love of your own? Would this long distance relationship give you enough emotional sustenance, or just leave you longing most of the time? How much would you see the returned lover in a year? What social penalty will he pay in his country if your relationship is revealed? Read up on his culture and religion so you are well informed, not just depending on the words he gives you.

Certainly you two have had a passion that lasted in your hearts long after the two years in college, but he doesn’t seem to be a man who goes against his culture. Ask him more about his wife’s lover, and what relationship he still has with his wife. Ask everything. Could you ever live together? Is he close to retiring? Don’t hold back. Let me know how it goes, please.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

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