DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I want to give the other sex a try. I’m just climbing out of a relationship, step-by-step, with a man in his early 30s, who is so bad in bed I long for something completely other.

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I want to give the other sex a try. I’m just climbing out of a relationship, step-by-step, with a man in his early 30s, who is so bad in bed I long for something completely other.

There’s a woman I come in contact with through work who is openly lesbian, and we have become friends. She invited me to "take a walk on the wild side" with her, and I did last weekend. Like in that Katy Perry song I Kissed a Girl — and I liked it! Yes, I really did.

The guy I’m in the process of dumping suspects something. I told him about this experience, actually bragging to him a bit, thinking it would make him mad enough to break up. He said, "So? big deal. You’ve fooled around with another girl? So what? It’s not like you have a new guy."

Then the slime had the nerve to suggest maybe all three of us could get together! I choked on my drink and spit it out! He hasn’t quit phoning since. He’s all turned on now! I don’t want to be with him and this girl, or with him alone. Where does that leave me?

— All Alone? Brandon

Dear All Alone: You talk as if there are only two people to choose from in the world. Why are you "in the process" of dumping this man, anyway? It can take as little as five minutes to say it’s over. Just tell him it hasn’t worked out for you, and goodbye. Are you hanging onto him because of COVID? That’s what I suspect; it’s not fair to him.

Though it’s not easy to meet people during a pandemic, it’s not impossible, and you can certainly be busy online getting to know a person well before meeting. Plus, you can see each other and interact via different apps.

In your new sexual situation, which just opened up, you might want to take a look at people of both sexes now. And don’t let the fear of flying alone keep you with people you don’t want to be with.

Dating and mating is not the childhood game of musical chairs. You don’t have to be with someone — anyone — all the time or you’re a loser. In fact, it’s good to be already flying on your own when you meet somebody new, instead of desperately clinging to someone you don’t even want.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why did you not just say, "Dump the bum!" in response to the empty-nester Done With This Marriage? Long marriages don’t mean good marriages. I’d love to encourage that gal to find her freedom and really enjoy herself as an interesting, self-sufficient woman.

If she stays married, she remains in a subordinate role, and she’s going to continue being stifled by a man who sounds insensitive to the bone!

— Empty-nest Strife, Winnipeg

Dear Empty-nest Strife: My advice to get some counselling before leaving "the 250-pound lug" who expects her to keep on playing Mama to him now the kids are gone was to see if the original lovers who got married might still be buried in there somewhere.

And why not give it a shot for the sake of their grown kids and grandkids? If it doesn’t work out with some expert help, then she can say, "Thanks for the good times and the great kids… and fare-thee-well" without any regrets.

You can bet the woman who wrote won’t be playing Mama with a new man. And, a new partner will see some of the original fun-loving, sensual spirit she has, which may have gotten trampled in her marriage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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