July 4, 2020

Winnipeg
20° C, Overcast

Full Forecast

Advertisement

Advertise With Us

Opinion

Son should let mom live her life

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 7/11/2019 (240 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is seeing a man and it bugs me. She has every right to, I guess, since we buried my father a year ago and he was very sick for a few years before that.

Still, somehow it seems kind of rude to be going out with this guy already and, from what I can tell, having sex with him. She is pushing 50 and nothing special to look at, but she’s out there, joined a singles club and is never home.

Perhaps it wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t live with her in our family home, but I don’t currently have a job. OK, for the past year — but there’s nothing out there in my field. No woman will want to go out with me until I’m on my feet.

I sneered and said something nasty about her nocturnal activities when mom showed up this morning at 8 a.m. for breakfast before work. She lost it on me.

She said I should find a place to live with a friend because she was living her own life "socially" now. I said, "You mean sexually!" She really let me have it then. What do you suggest?

— Unwanted Son, River Heights

Dear Unwanted: It’s interesting you refer to yourself as an unwanted "son" and not "man." It’s time you grew up 10 years in a hurry. Your mom is working and living her life fully, and you have been given your walking papers. You can bet she wants you to spend every day looking for a job — and couch-surfing at a buddy’s house, starting now, at least on weekends.

You need to get yourself out and independent, and in a new place where you could have a new girlfriend over and have a love relationship yourself.

Your mom’s past few years can’t have been pleasant and she may have appreciated your support and company at home. But your dad’s been gone a year, and you have to be around 30. Face facts. Your mother has demanded her privacy back. Give her that and you’ll gain a feeling of self-respect and of being a grown man in the world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is a humongous pain in the butt. She gives me lists of things to do when I leave the house we share, which she owns. She stays at home doing freelance computer work.

"You’re going to be out for work anyway" is her excuse for me to pick up dry cleaning, fetch and pay for groceries and special, expensive dog food. I walk those dogs twice daily and poop-scoop the backyard, too! I also split the mortgage and utilities. Yesterday, she phoned my firm with a list of things for me to do after work and I blew up, yelling into the phone: "Do your own errands! You have a car, but you’re too #$%& lazy to leave the house!"

I’m madder than I should be, and dying to leave. Why is that? (By the way, I have enough money saved for a down payment on a house. Should I buy one — for me?)

— No Longer in Love, Southdale

Dear No Longer in Love: You are about to liberate yourself from a difficult co-habitation situation, where you don’t own your own house and allow yourself to be treated as an errand boy. That makes you very angry, though you hid it and did it. In your next relationship, practise equal division of labour. Also, trade off housework and errands regularly so you don’t get stuck with certain jobs forever.

You obviously do want to buy a house, so now is the time. Call your lawyer, accountant and a real estate agent. Be sure to leave your common-law marriage settled fairly, legally and quickly. Dragging it out hurts everybody worse.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Read full biography

Advertisement

Advertise With Us

Your support has enabled us to provide free access to stories about COVID-19 because we believe everyone deserves trusted and critical information during the pandemic.

Our readership has contributed additional funding to give Free Press online subscriptions to those that can’t afford one in these extraordinary times — giving new readers the opportunity to see beyond the headlines and connect with other stories about their community.

To those who have made donations, thank you.

To those able to give and share our journalism with others, please Pay it Forward.

The Free Press has shared COVID-19 stories free of charge because we believe everyone deserves access to trusted and critical information during the pandemic.

While we stand by this decision, it has undoubtedly affected our bottom line.

After nearly 150 years of reporting on our city, we don’t want to stop any time soon. With your support, we’ll be able to forge ahead with our journalistic mission.

If you believe in an independent, transparent, and democratic press, please consider subscribing today.

We understand that some readers cannot afford a subscription during these difficult times and invite them to apply for a free digital subscription through our Pay it Forward program.

The Free Press will close this commenting platform at noon on July 14.

We want to thank those who have shared their views over the years as part of this reader engagement initiative.

In the coming weeks, the Free Press will announce new opportunities for readers to share their thoughts and to engage with our staff and each other.

You can comment on most stories on The Winnipeg Free Press website. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or digital subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

Have Your Say

Comments are open to The Winnipeg Free Press print or digital subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to The Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

By submitting your comment, you agree to abide by our Community Standards and Moderation Policy. These guidelines were revised effective February 27, 2019. Have a question about our comment forum? Check our frequently asked questions.

Advertisement

Advertise With Us