August 24, 2019

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Opinion

Sorry, love seems to be the hardest word

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/2/2019 (194 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Valentine’s Day is fast approaching again and I have a problem. I know my girlfriend is more in love with me than I am with her. I could not truthfully sign my card “With Love.”

I know her, and her cards will be super-sweet and loving. Why do I keep seeing her when I am not in love with her? Fear of loneliness is my guess. I was without a girlfriend for more than two years when I met her, and the loneliness (and lack of sex) was very hard.

I don’t want to give her up, but I’m afraid if I tell her “I like you very much” instead of “I love you,” she will be so hurt she will give me the boot.

My brother thinks I should lie outright and sign the card “With Love” and keep her. What do you think?

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/2/2019 (194 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Valentine’s Day is fast approaching again and I have a problem. I know my girlfriend is more in love with me than I am with her. I could not truthfully sign my card "With Love."

I know her, and her cards will be super-sweet and loving. Why do I keep seeing her when I am not in love with her? Fear of loneliness is my guess. I was without a girlfriend for more than two years when I met her, and the loneliness (and lack of sex) was very hard.

I don’t want to give her up, but I’m afraid if I tell her "I like you very much" instead of "I love you," she will be so hurt she will give me the boot.

My brother thinks I should lie outright and sign the card "With Love" and keep her. What do you think?

— Tempted to Lie, St. Vital

Dear Tempted: You know you’re not falling in love with this lady, so you’re wasting her time and yours. But Valentine’s Day is not the day to break up with her. Your card should not say "love" when it’s a lie. It could be signed "Warmly" or "To a Lovely Lady," or something along those lines.

She may break up with you over that, but if she hangs on, it’s really your responsibility to set her free. Give it a few weeks after Valentine’s Day and then let her down as gently as you can.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a special guy in my life right now and I’m a poet. I wonder if I should write him a poem, or would that be too much? We have only been together four months. Things are hot and romantic, but I’m inclined to get too carried away in my poems. I have already written many long poems about him and our developing relationship, but have not shown them to him. I know he won’t be writing any poetry. What do you suggest?

— His Romantic Poet, Downtown

Dear Poet: Write him a one-verse poem that’s romantic and witty and that will bring a smile to his face. Don’t write him a long, drawn-out mushy poem about all his virtues or he will feel guilty, and perhaps nauseated. Given you have only been together four months, it would probably be best if you skipped the poetry this year. Mushy love poems are only good when two people are well and truly besotted. You don’t want to bring on eye-rolling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year, I took my girlfriend out for dinner for Valentine’s Day at a classy place and gave her a card with words declaring my love. I thought that was enough — an expensive meal and a nice card. She gave me a pair of expensive leather gloves and a deeply romantic expression of love on her card.

After dinner was over, I didn’t even get a kiss. I thought we’d go to her apartment and make love. Instead, she got out of the car at her apartment and said, "Bye and thanks for dinner!" I don’t know what was the matter exactly, although she was obviously disappointed.

We’d been going together for three years. She was very cool when I called her the next day and it took a month to thaw her out. Finally, she said, "This is your last chance," whatever that meant.

Before Christmas we talked about marriage, but I didn’t give her a ring then, just diamond earrings. Do you think she’s expecting something big, like a diamond ring for Valentine’s? I love her and I’m willing to get married, and I finally have the money for a ring. I haven’t bought one because I’d want her to pick it out. So what do I give her?

— Romeo-In-Training, River Heights

Dear Trainee: There’s no time to lose, since you partially blew Christmas, with the earrings. Take your sweetheart out for dinner again, and bring red roses for the table. She may be nervous, so don’t try to eat a big dinner before you do the engagement thing.

Since you don’t have a ring yet, give her a large card with brochures inside from jewelry stores, and say: "I love you deeply. I’d like to take you shopping for a beautiful engagement ring this week! Will you marry me, my love?" Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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