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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young wife is a super outdoorsy person. I was, at first, when I was trying to impress her, but over time I naturally found new interests better suited to me. I like working on my vehicles, house repairs and taking care of business in my techie world.
She still wants to go on long hikes and bike rides every day after work. Now that I’ve stopped, and I’ve gained a bit of a belly, she’s starting to treat me differently; it feels almost like she’s losing respect for me.
I’ve always been a good husband, but I’m starting to wonder if all we had together, outside the same sense of humour and great sex, was going on outdoor adventures together. It’s like there’s nothing left now.
What should I do? How can I get her to see that I’m still the same person? — Nervous as She’s Pulling Away, Fort Garry
Dear Nervous: Same sense of humour and great sex? What are you thinking? You started the distancing by leaving the woman you love to go alone on the hikes and bikes after work. Your own after-work interests sound solitary — no fun or connection for her.
At least join her for a few bike rides every week. It’s a bond you’re well aware of, and you quit without starting anything else to replace it.
Besides, you’re developing a pot belly and she’s your "young" wife. Don’t turn into "daddy."
What’s really going on here? Do you find her hiking and biking company tedious, now that you live together and know each other so well? Did you never really like those outdoor adventures, and just faked it to get close to her?
It sounds like you two need a new sport you both enjoy. How about tennis or canoeing? Or maybe you need other people to join you for hiking or other outdoor activities.
Just don’t doubt your love for your wife because you no longer want to take part in the same activities. Blame the boredom of doing the same things!
Think about this life question: What do you do after you’ve told your mate every story you know? Same as you do with family members: face forward and find new things to discover together.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an attractive woman in my late 30s and I recently had a ridiculous offer made to me, though I must admit I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
I work in a professional industry, and one of the older unmarried men I work for recently offered to take me away on a tropical vacation for two weeks — all expenses paid — after the pandemic is over, as a kind of celebration.
I said I needed to think about it (as it felt so inappropriate.) I think it is, but to be honest, he is very good-looking, wealthy, a really nice guy and I’m also single.
I know there is no man in the world who would offer a free vacation without expecting a little something in return. I am almost 30 and enjoy having a sex life, so I’m not all that put off.
I just fear saying yes may create an expectation in future scenarios for me or for him. Am I crazy? If people at work found out, it’d likely be bad. — Tempted by Secret Offer, Downtown
Dear Tempted: Ask yourself this trial question: "The price for this vacation may be my job. Is it worth that price?" The probable answer is "Not unless I have another job in line."
Consider telling Romeo graciously you like him too, and suggest a rain check for a time when either of you is working at a different place.
That reply allows you both to save face, and will let him know you may get to know each other more personally one day.
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