DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new friend’s gorgeous mom got pregnant and had him at 16, marrying his father at 18. The wedding party was the best part of the marriage. The rest didn’t go so well and the marriage was soon over. They were both way too young. Basically, my friend’s grandparents raised him and he lives there, in their fancy basement suite to this day.
It’s confession time. My friend was dropping off a heavy chair for his mom and I was with him helping out, and I met her — his beautiful mom. It was mind-blowing. He is 20 and she is 36 or 37 now — but looks like she’s in her late 20s, more like how a sister would look.
I am well-built and tall, look older for my age and have dated women in their early late 20s. I was knocked out by how beautiful she was. She looked me up and down and gave me a devastating smile and off she went to work. Now, I can’t get her out of my mind. What should I do?
— Dreaming About Her Now, River Heights
Dear Dreaming: You should keep your buddy, but stay far away from his mom. Compare this feeling you have for her to crushing on a music or movie star. You feel a big attraction, but the object of your affection is inappropriate and out of reach.
For many reasons, you should stay away from this woman, including the fact her son might notice your obvious interest and that would be bad for him and possibly end your friendship.
Yes, this woman is beautiful and sexy, but she is his mom. How would you feel if a buddy of yours had the obvious hots for your mother and started flirting with her?
Find excuses not to go to her house again for anything and let the memory of her beauty fade. That shouldn’t be too difficult since your friend doesn’t live there and you didn’t even talk with his mom.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At a big neighbourhood Thanksgiving dinner party, I ran into an old boyfriend of mine who had to know he was being invited to the same party as I would be. He grabbed a seat next to me at one of the big, extended dining-room tables and I was not happy.
I know him from our past relationship to be an under-table groper. Sure enough, after a few glasses of wine, I felt his hand coming over, resting on my leg in a "friendly" manner. I remember that move.
Instead of making a fuss — like squealing and slapping his hand — I asked for the turnips and put some on my plate and then took a big spoonful in my hand and smeared orange turnip on his thigh! He looked down and freaked and took off for the bathroom.
When he came back, he saw that my sister — at my request — was sitting in his seat. He just glared at me, walking out the door with a wet pant leg into the cold. Ha!
The next day, he phoned and left me a nasty, very vulgar message. Do I have anything to worry about?
— Nervous Ex, St. Boniface
Dear Nervous: Not to worry. He probably feels he got you back with the vulgar message and you can just block his number now. His hand on your thigh was also a vulgar message, so he’s more than even.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a terrible time at Thanksgiving dinner because I don’t get along with my parents. They are the rudest people in the world and at 9 p.m., my father announced it was time for everyone to "hit the road" because he had a big day the following day.
I looked at my boyfriend and he raised his eyebrows and I just shrugged and he went and got our coats. He asked me if my family was always cold and rude and I had to say, honestly, they are. He said, "At Christmas, you are coming to my house, as I don’t want ever to go back to your parents’ house again." Never is a long, long time.
Miss L., they are family, and I do love them, flawed as they are. I can’t change their behaviour, though I have tried. Is it dangerous to get involved with a guy seriously, who will only see his family and never mine? He wouldn’t want our children — should we have any — to spend much time with them, or maybe none.
He is quite controlling, but maybe that would change as our love grows. What do you think?
— Considering Break-Up, Tuxedo
Dear Considering: If you already know a romantic partner is controlling, you are wise not to marry them. You don’t want to find out this guy decides everything for you and the family — and you have to remain quiet to keep the uneasy peace. You’ve had your warning now.
You really need a different guy with a sense of humour who sees your folks for what they are and knows how to do a few things to loosen them up.
Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.