October 23, 2020

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Summer ambiguity calls for shot of real life


DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a problem I can’t talk about, even with a friend.

I have the summer off every year and so does another woman I know in the next beach town. We’re extremely close. I guess it’s fair to say we’re lovers — but only in July and August. Her husband hates the lake, and mine works summer overtime shifts when people are away, so only comes down one or two weekends a summer. He’s an enthusiastic golfer and not big on lake life, either.

She and I found each other at the beach everybody goes to a few years ago. Boy, did we hit it off! Each summer is better than the last with my buddy. That’s what I call her, to my husband.

This year is different. My husband is rarely home when I call. You’d think he was golfing until the stars come out! He calls me back very late at night or the next morning.

I don’t have a leg to stand on, but I think he’s found a lover himself. I’m so upset! I have no right to be jealous, but I am. I’m worried because he’s not a casual kind of man. If he has a woman, it’s probably serious. He won’t have a man, because he’s very straight.

I am comfortable with my husband and enjoy our relationship for 10 months a year. We don’t have sex much, because he doesn’t want it — at least with me. If he leaves me over another woman, I have a job in the education system, and won’t starve, but we’ll have to sell the family house, and I’d get an apartment. (Not great, with the grandchildren visiting.) I really don’t know what to do here.

— Grown Woman in Trouble, The Lake


Dear Grown Woman: Ask your husband this one big question: "Why are you not at home when I call this summer, until very late at night or the next day?" Wait quietly for the answer, with no prompts from you. His answer, even if it’s nothing more than stumbling and throat clearing, might give you your answer. Keep in mind he might give you a clear answer proving he’s innocent… or admit he’s having an affair.

He may also ask you what you have been doing at the lake every summer with your "buddy." It’s time you two had this talk. It isn’t fair you’ve had a summer lover for years, if he has not.

Maybe you can agree to a three-season marriage, with summers off. Or, maybe he’s in too deep with a lady in the city. Another possibility? He may have no one, and may just be sick and tired of jumping when you deign to check in from your adventures at the lake.



Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently tripped and fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. My boyfriend laughed and called me a "clumsy idiot." He wasn’t even sympathetic when he took me to the hospital, and swore at me when he had to use a wheelchair to take me in. He said he felt like an old man, having to push me in a chair.

I didn’t like the sneer in his voice. I started to fear him that day. He acted as if I was a big inconvenience to his life, and it felt like he’d hit me, if he could. Last week, he was talking to a friend on the phone about going out, and he referred to me as "the crip."

Last night, just as I saw my big brothers pull up with the truck from the farm, I told him I was leaving him, and moving back in with my family, He yelled, "After all I’ve done for you, you ungrateful b----!" My brothers heard that! When they came through the door, one of them pushed him down on the floor, and said, "Don’t get up, jerk. We’ll take it from here!"

I had all my stuff packed in the garage, and we were gone within 20 minutes. He swore something awful, yelling dirty words as we were leaving.

Then last night he called drunk and crying, and he was trying to apologize. I listened for a minute and hung up. My religion says you should forgive. Should I? I don’t want to this time.

— Angry and Insulted, Southeast Manitoba


Dear Angry and Insulted: When you fell down the stairs and broke your ankle, he treated you badly from that time on, ridiculing you and cursing you as well. You did take his call, and listened. That was enough. There are insults and cruelties in this world you don’t have to forgive.

Report his call to your brothers — your bodyguards — and, don’t accept any more calls from this ex. In fact, you should block him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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