October 20, 2019

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Teen should tell mom about witnessing tryst

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I saw something I shouldn’t have seen when I was at the cottage on the September long weekend. I can’t get it out of my head. I caught two older relatives of mine, who shouldn’t have been together in bed, very “together.” We were having a big family party at a very big cabin and the adults were doing lots of drinking.

I peeked through the door of the small boathouse bedroom and then quickly pulled it shut, and they didn’t even notice me because they were so “busy.” I feel like I need to tell somebody, because it’s too big a thing in my head and it’s giving me headaches.

Who should I tell? My parents were not involved in this “get-together” on the bed, but other people’s parents were. And if it got out, our whole big family would bust apart.

My mom is pretty nice and understanding but my dad would call me a liar and maybe even hit me if I told him.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I saw something I shouldn’t have seen when I was at the cottage on the September long weekend. I can’t get it out of my head. I caught two older relatives of mine, who shouldn’t have been together in bed, very "together." We were having a big family party at a very big cabin and the adults were doing lots of drinking.

I peeked through the door of the small boathouse bedroom and then quickly pulled it shut, and they didn’t even notice me because they were so "busy." I feel like I need to tell somebody, because it’s too big a thing in my head and it’s giving me headaches.

Who should I tell? My parents were not involved in this "get-together" on the bed, but other people’s parents were. And if it got out, our whole big family would bust apart.

My mom is pretty nice and understanding but my dad would call me a liar and maybe even hit me if I told him.

— Worried Teenager, Back in the City

Dear Worried: Well, then, tell your mother. Maybe she could have a talk with one of the straying pair, and it would be enough to keep them away from each other, if they were doing it for fun and it’s not a case of an emotional attachment. If it’s emotional, it’s a whole other problem, perhaps serious.

You hint these are parents of different sets of cousins, so who would you tell? Certainly not your cousins, and you’re too young to go head to head with these adults. So the best idea is just to tell your mother, and only her. She may get them to stop, or she may do nothing.

At any rate, the responsibility shifts from you, a half-grown kid, to your mother. It’s up to her, not you. Still, I must say, I’m very sorry you had to see this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crazy about a girl I worked with this summer. Now she has gone home to her small city and we are far apart. We’ve started writing online but neither of us is much of a writer. I’d like to see her again but we can’t bus it to each other’s cities, and neither of us can drive.

Actually, I’d kind of like to be free now, and see her again next summer. But is that too much to ask of a girl?

— Unsure What To Do, Winnipeg

Dear Unsure: She might be hurt or she might think it’s a good idea, too, since neither of you are great communicators when you’re apart. Just ask her if she would be OK with this idea of yours and suggest you both try to get jobs at the same place again next summer, if you feel the same way in the spring.

You’ll have to see what happens over the winter and be OK with the fact it’s possible one or both of you might find someone to go out with, that you really like — and then it’s really over.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent a lot of time last summer with a guy I really liked. We went everywhere together and then he just kind of disappeared mid-August. I was hurt, but tried to write it off as "just life."

Then yesterday, he called out of the blue, like nothing had happened. I was cool with him on the phone, and then he said, "What’s the problem?" and I said, "You didn’t call me for a whole month!" and he said, "You didn’t call either, lady!" That’s true, but he’d always been the one who liked to run things before and did all the calling. What do you think?

— Wavering, St. James

Dear Wavering: It was a smart answer, but not a sincere one. This is likely: he’s a mover and he found somebody else for a while, and didn’t tell you — just left you hanging. Then he found the new person wasn’t that hot, and he thought he’d give you another whirl, and that you might be sucker enough to go for it. Don’t fall for it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield

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