November 12, 2019

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Opinion

Time to find your right temperature

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started dating a woman who really seems to love me. She showers me with attention and is always texting and sending me messages.

I just feel weird because I’ve never had a girlfriend who seemed to actually care about me this much, and I’m just not used to it. My family wasn’t very close, so I guess I’m just used to that coldness and distance.

How do I stop over-thinking this? I always told myself this is what I wanted, but now that I have it, I have no idea why it’s feeling like a cloud over my head.

She calls me non-stop and calls me all kinds of sweet names like "Honeybunny" and "Babycakes." We are both women in our 20s, in case you’re wondering.

— Uncomfortable About Mush, Osborne Village

Dear Uncomfortable: You’ve had a lifetime of coldness and distance, so this may feel fake or too much for a person like you and it is a bit on the icky side.

How about you put up with this extra warmth for another month instead of cutting it off? See if you can get used to being loved up and highly appreciated, unless it gets totally yucky.

Your girlfriend may be right about how great you are. Your distant family were certainly not right in being cold to you. That’s not how you raise kids to be able to accept and return warmth and verbal affection. But don’t let her take over your life — including the expressions of love you feel comfortable using or not using.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Does menopause make you insane? I’ve been going through it for a while and it was never this bad. Lately, I just want to rip everybody a new one, but I hold back — because my family will poke fun at me and stereotype my symptoms as "menopausal rage." That’ll make me even madder!

The problem is, when I’m in it, I feel justified and truly believe they deserve my wrath. It makes me wonder if I’ve had those feelings all along, but kept quiet about them, until a change in hormones gave me the courage to speak my mind.

My male family doctor tells me I just have to ride it out, and then chuckles. But this is beyond what I’ve read about in magazines. Also, I’m hot all the time — and boiling hot when I’m mad. Any advice? I don’t want to take drugs.

— Mad A Lot & Menopausal, Fort Richmond

Dear Mad: Some menopausal women lose patience with things that have been wrong in their lives for quite a while, and they finally need to fix those things. Putting up with nonsense is finished.

It could be people — like family or a workmate — who have been annoying them, and they need to work it out, or tell them to move on. Experts say this is a time when abuse issues (long buried) sometimes rise to the surface and demand expression.

Doctors at Women’s Health Clinic (419 Graham Ave., 204-947-1517, womenshealthclinic.org) do consultations with people going through menopause, and you don’t need a referral from your doctor. So you could call them anytime and make an appointment.

In the meantime, consider the fridge freezer your convenient friend, and a big freezer, with all that cold air billowing out, a dear friend indeed.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My younger sister is single and in her 30s and is a blatant attention-seeker — and it’s embarrassing. When we’re out in public, the bragging never stops — "I’m this, and this and that... blah, blah, blah!" You can see people rolling their eyes!

I brought it up with her recently and she hit the freakin’ roof and told me I was being "dramatic and vindictive." How do you get someone like that to listen?

— Unlucky Sister, Norwood

Dear Unlucky: Your sister is afraid people are going to underestimate her. What does she feel she’s missing — an education, looks, sense of humour, a job with enough status?

If she can get help in these areas, the need to brag will ease off. The problem is you’re definitely not the right one to make these suggestions. Could your parents help her by gifting her some sessions with a counsellor or would she blow right up on them and make it worse? Do any readers have a suggestion for this sensitive situation?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

Read full biography

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