DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a boyfriend who needs a kick in the pants. He lost another job and I’m supporting him again. I do have enough money, but I don’t think he’s even looking for a job.

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a boyfriend who needs a kick in the pants. He lost another job and I’m supporting him again. I do have enough money, but I don’t think he’s even looking for a job.

When I ask him, he says, "What do you think I’m doing on the computer? I’m looking for a job, stupid!"

When I try to look over his shoulder, he clicks off the screen and says, "Get away!" or "Don’t you know it’s creepy to look over someone’s shoulder?"

I’m on the brink of kicking him out — so he’ll go and live back at his mommy’s house. I know she’ll take him in a minute. She’s the one who spoiled him.

Am I shallow to no longer feel the love when he’s living off me, not even trying to get work and then lying about it to me?

— Fed Up to the Teeth, Portage la Prairie

Dear Fed Up: Young love can just wear out when things get rough. You might want to kick this guy out right away, since he’s already called you stupid.

If you are unsure about breaking up, tell this guy you can’t afford to support him much longer. Give him a deadline of one month to get a job or go back home to his mom. She’ll probably be glad to get her boy back, for another round.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home early from work a few days ago, and somebody had been there — besides my new boyfriend of two and a half weeks. I left him sleeping alone in my bed at 8:30 a.m. He was long gone when I arrived back, but it was like a crime scene — obvious evidence left behind. Whoever she was, she wanted me to find out. She left clues like Kleenex blotted with orange lipstick in my bathroom for me to find, and also a false blue fingernail in the bed.

He was not due back to see me for two hours, so I hunted like the little detective I am, and found three red hairs on the pillows as well. I have black hair.

When I showed him the evidence, he didn’t even flinch. He just called me some nasty names, slammed the door and left. My question? Why do I always attract the losers?

— Crying Again, Osborne Village

Dear Crying Again: In the winning world of love and romance, you have to take time before you make time. You need to know the man and make a decision — once you’re sure he’s worth your precious feelings and your body.

That means going out for lunches, walks, movies, drinks and dinners, so you talk a lot — and stay out of bed for a bit.

Talk about his life and his background, his ambitions and his history with women. Do it in a casual manner, so he doesn’t feel like he’s getting the third degree and clams up on you.

Information is the reason for "dating" as opposed to meeting-and-mating the first night. Can you take it slower with the next guy? Maybe you’re lonely living alone. Yes, it is tough during COVID, but it’s just not worth the heartache of inviting men into your intimate world, to have them treat you so disrespectfully.

Time to try the "friends first" method of finding a really good guy, who cares.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to the still-grieving mother who wanted her husband to tell new people they have one child living and another who died. (I said it can make new people uncomfortable, and hijack the conversation. —Miss L.)

Why must we, the grieving, worry about making others uncomfortable? I say, "I have three children but one moved to heaven." People generally say, "I’m sorry" and we move on. Sometimes they ask what happened.

I don’t see that as my hijacking the conversation. Acting as though my child never existed adds to my grief. I agree it is a painful subject to talk about.

— Lost a Child, Manitoba

Dear Lost a Child: Asking how many children you have is generally a casual question in a conversation with a new person. Not many people would be able to say: "I’m sorry to hear that, how did your other child die?" And if they did, would the grieving parent burst out crying?

It may be what you as a grieving mother need to talk about, but people you’ve just met may hear your words and be in shock. That’s not a fair way to start talking with them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.