Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I decided to move in together to ride out the COVID pandemic. We’d only been together a few months, so it was just a temporary arrangement. Now the virus has been with us more than two years, I asked her the other day what she thought of our living arrangement. She paused and finally said she thought it was “sensible, given the ongoing virus.”

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I decided to move in together to ride out the COVID pandemic. We’d only been together a few months, so it was just a temporary arrangement. Now the virus has been with us more than two years, I asked her the other day what she thought of our living arrangement. She paused and finally said she thought it was "sensible, given the ongoing virus."

Sensible? That’s all? Well, I sure as heck don’t feel like being sensible one more month! I must admit I introduced the idea of living together after dating for only a few months as a "logical" move, because of COVID. That was before I got so attached to this woman. I’ve really fallen for her.

I admit I’ve never used the L-word with her, but then she doesn’t tell me she loves me either. I don’t want to go looking for another apartment right now, but I don’t want to stay in this "sensible" arrangement, if that’s all she’s feeling after all this time. Help!

—Sick of Sensible! St. James

Dear SOS: The time has come for quiet truth-telling. That means not yelling "sensible?" at her, but also no more hiding or understating your feelings. This lady needs to know you love her now, if you really do!

She may have been hiding romantic feelings because she thought "Mr. Logical" wasn’t really into the relationship, past COVID. Perhaps she thinks it’s just "roommates with benefits" for you, but it’s actually more. If you finally tell her, she might just open her heart to you, so take that chance now!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married a man who’s six years younger than I am, so I wouldn’t have to look after a doddering old man one day! We had three children and I did most of the work. I took them to their activities, cooked, cleaned and worked outside the home half-time.

My husband went to work, came home, read his newspaper, ate dinner and watched TV. Was he a disappointment? No, I knew what I was getting — until he had an affair.

He left me for a younger woman, and very quickly had a baby with her! That doesn’t gall me as much as the reports from my sons that Dad is looking after the baby a lot and helping with the house. According to my boys, he’s wearing cool clothes now and looks a lot younger.

The worst part? The boys say he treats his wife "like a princess." Why is she so precious, after he treated me like his mother? I’m so hurt by this! I told my boys to stop talking about the changes in their father. Where did I go wrong?

— Confused Ex-Wife, Windsor Park

Dear Confused: You’re a "take charge" person. You even married a younger guy so you wouldn’t have to "look after a doddering old man." Part of you feels comfortable running the show at home, even though you do a lot of work.

His young wife probably asks him to help with everything, and appreciates the help he gives her. If you want that situation in a second marriage one day, you’ll have to give up the need to control, but do you really want to do that? Maybe you need to find a guy who’s strong-willed, capable and willing to share control.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.