July 3, 2020

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In the Key of Bart: The Grounds for Violence

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/3/2014 (2288 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The Grounds for Violence

With apologies to Simon & Garfunkel

Hello winter, my old friend

I don't believe you'll ever end

Because the snowbanks are still towering

And my despair is overpowering

A ridge of ice has just encrusted my whole lane

It's quite insane

These are the grounds for violence


On slippery streets I try to walk

I cannot make it round the block

Because a water main has snapped again

My gate can't open; it has frozen in

I cannot stand the mere idea of April snow

It has to go

These are the grounds for violence

And when I try to take the bus

I see the scars on all of us

No one talking, never mind speaking

Without relief, people just freaking

Reporters ruining songs their voices can not sing

It's now a thing

These are the grounds for violence


I want tomatoes in my yard

Right now the ground is really hard

I want to sit out on a patio

I want to lose my winter fat, it's gross

But my wishes do not hasten warmer air

Life isn't fair

These are the grounds for violence

Adapted from The Sound of Silence, written by Paul Simon in 1963 and recorded by Simon & Garfunkel in 1964.


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